How to bring it up to a potential mate

Ultra cautiously.

First, to maximize your chances of succeeding, only pursue/be pursued by the type of Christian that’s highly likely to say yes.  For guys, it means aiming for the soft, nurturing girl. If you see no signs of feminine softness in her, you’re likely to be wasting your time and hers. Ladies, your best bet is a secure, open-minded gentleman who is anything but a sexually repressed prude.

Focusing on the spiritual aspects of an ANR and the unrivaled intimacy is the way to begin. Thus I always start by saying “I firmly believe a husband and wife should be as intimate as humanly possible.” Few would disagree with that.

Do not proceed before clearing any objections on this critical point. I’ve found that whoever rejects this fundamental biblical principle would obviously reject an ANR.

I always make sure we’re comfortable with each other, and have also usually begun with lines like “there’s something I want in marriage I must reveal. I’ve always desired this particularly beautiful and loving thing but most people don’t practice or discuss it. I want to guard your mind so I’ll be careful in how I describe it. It’s basically about a husband and wife bonding extremely deeply with each other, on a level no other physical act can match, in my opinion. Curious to know more?”

That’s only the intro. I continue to pique her interest by trying to convince her of CN’s benefits, before finally revealing it.

Very important is the need to quote some rave reviews given ANRs by members of your date’s sex. One possibility, if they’re comfortable enough, is to show real, clean members of their sex expressing the beauty of Couples Nursing in their own words.

Be very gentle and patient; with something as intimate and “taboo” as an ANR, it’s better to take too much time than too little. Give him/ her time to think and pray about it. Remember to guard his/her heart and mind by pointing him or her only to Christian/non-arousing ANR resources. Failure to heed this warning nearly cost me a friendship or two with some amazing godly women.

If you’re like me, you’d preface it extensively, and the person would ask you to just go for it. This cautious hesitation on my part as I carefully deliver my long preface serves to build suspense, and by the time I tell them it has an erotic component, they’re dying to know more. The combination of being gentle, sounding sincere, not immediately shooting for it, first telling them the benefits before actually disclosing what it is, supplying supporting quotes from ANR-interested women and inserting a clear warning of its sexual nature has always served me well. The ladies’ curiosity alone helps ease the tension.

This gentle, gradual method is the only one that has consistently yielded positive results for me. Using this approach, I still enjoy good relationships with almost all the women to whom I revealed this desire, even those who declined the proposal.

I wish you God’s best as you disclose this beautiful, God-glorifying, marriage-enhancing desire to your potential spouse.

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