He turns a desert into pools of water,
a parched land into springs of water.
And there he lets the hungry dwell

– Psalm 107:35-36a

Gentlemen, imagine walking through your favorite garden, the most beautiful garden of all. Further imagine that in this most beautiful garden are some water fountains. Now picture the fountains gushing not water, but milk. Warm, sweet milk overflowing till your cup runneth over. All over this lovely garden. Stop dreaming, start tasting – or at least making moves towards tasting. You can easily make this fantastic dream a reality, depending on the woman you marry.

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Autostreaming is the automatic spraying of milk from a woman’s breasts. This happens when they get so engorged that the slightest stimulation forces the milk out in a way that resembles a shower head in use, and her breasts literally become mini milk fountains. Hands-free. Fully automatic. Locked and loaded and good to go. Super Soaker everyday. From doing some research, I think I can generalize that ANR wives don’t like wasting milk. They want to see every drop go into him. I’m not a fan of waste either. I’d like autostreaming to only be a fun side attraction. There’s nothing like the main course, but autostreaming also happens to be incredibly erotic, arousing, exciting, beautiful — and even godly.

I’m strongly convinced that God doesn’t like dry wells, arid conditions and deserts. When listening to the radio earlier this year, a young woman working with a Christian charity — I believe it was Compassion International — said poverty was foreign to God’s original creation. It entered the world after Adam and Eve fell. She described how in the Garden of Eden, everything was available for our ancestors to eat and enjoy. I completely concur. That’s why I think breasts that are overflowing and leaking actually glorify God and point back to his original abundance prior to the Fall. Indeed, God exhorts me to let her breasts drench me at all times. Yeah, God is not at all fond of dryness.

But I have a new dilemma. Ever since the Fall, productivity/bountifulness have declined and dryness, vanity, unproductivity and waste have become our new reality. In fact, the two verses that immediately precede the italicized ones above state “He turns rivers into a desert, springs of water into thirsty ground, a fruitful land into a salty waste, because of the evil of its inhabitants.” So although the original dilemma mentioned in Skydiving without a parachute has been resolved, a new one has replaced it: how can I be certain that even if the primary hurdle of having her agree to an ANR has been cleared in the first place, that she would also be capable of meeting my erotic fantasy* of autostreaming, upon which I’m convinced God smiles when used as an “outlet” for a wife’s blessing?

What if I finally find her, and she gladly agrees to an ANR only to produce a few drops? This has cost me some worry and concern, even major sin. An agreement to an ANR isn’t sufficient. The couple must also agree to do whatever it takes to maintain a good supply.

I’m reminded to keep things in perspective. “Son, you’re jumping the gun,” God seems to warn me at times when I get anxious. “You’ve never even been married and don’t know for sure if you’ll eventually be in an ANR. You just might die tomorrow.” I’m worrying in the present about not worrying in the future. Silly me.

True, only God knows the end of my days and I just might die tomorrow. But I do know that statistically, I’m likely to live a few more decades and get married. As discussed in Skydiving, faith without works is dead, so I did some research in order to maximize my chances of finding a woman who meets my preferences. I have investigated some non-sinful sources (and most regrettably, some sinful ones too**) and will present my findings.

Another reason I feel I should be rest assured — but I’m not always — is I know that if future Mrs. Prov519 and I don’t give up, nurse often, she drinks lots of water, uses all the herbs available, we stick to a strict nursing schedule, (as lactation operates on a supply and demand basis), we’ll have some success getting her supply up. And if all else fails, there’s Domperidone.

For those of you who don’t like taking prescription medications, I listed it as a last resort precisely for this reason. It undoubtedly produces results, though. I’ve heard and seen pictures of the difference it makes.

But prevention is better than cure. Before even getting to that stage, it’s critical to discuss this with your would-be spouse. From now on, I’ll augment my three-point plan mentioned in Skydiving. There, I said I’ll only bring up the topic of ANR once, and if she agrees, that’s it. No more testing the boundaries by discussing it before marriage.

Now that I’m a little more mature and experienced in discussing this erotic lifestyle with potential wives, I feel more confident in talking about some of its more erotic aspects. So on my next date, after she agrees to an ANR, the next hurdle would be to ascertain that she will be able to autostream or is at least likely to. And how on earth did I go about finding that out without sinning? I’d like to think I have the profile of the ANR-likely woman nailed down by now, but what about that of the autostreaming-likely woman? This question cuts to the heart of my dilemma over the past 12 or so months.

From my research, I’ve seen that the key to a woman’s ability to autostream is engorgement. It’s her having such an excessive milk supply that she’s easily and frequently engorged. Having very responsive breasts, nipples and areolas is also of secondary importance. Henceforth, I plan to tell future dates about this concern. I’ll mention that having an overabundant supply is important to me, a discussion that would have been inconceivable back when I was a legalistic Puritan. Of the last four times I introduced Couples Nursing to ladies, despite being godly women, two had no problem mentioning the word “nipples.” Sigh of relief. Not all Christians are a bunch of uptight prudes.

I have struggled with this new dilemma, albeit to a lesser degree than the original. I was especially concerned about a potential slippery slope, since the flesh never quits. If I’m wondering how responsive she is in her erogenous areas and wanting to discuss it on the first few dates, who knows what’s next, perhaps I’d want to see those erogenous areas and “find out for sure,” and you and I know the progression from that point on won’t be pretty. God won’t be smiling.

As I just said two paragraphs above, I have been on a date with a godly woman who has volunteered some of this information about her own breasts. While considering my ANR proposal, she candidly told me that she had sensitive breasts, which might be considered inappropriate information by some believers, especially for the first date. No physical boundaries were pushed, however, and nothing sinful happened. I didn’t immediately start picturing her breasts or having sex with her in my imagination, as many puritanical Christians would fear, and when we parted ways, I was able to exhort her to purity (by advising to only visit sites like Christ-centered ANR : ) and she really liked the idea of Couples Nursing. So this gives me confidence that it’s possible to take the conversation to this slightly higher level without sinning.

My renewed struggle makes us revisit the fact that Christians can sometimes be caught between a rock and a hard place. Almost all of us have certain desires, kinks or fantasies that are best left out of corporate worship and ecclesiastical discussions, especially when kids are in attendance. But unfortunately, they get left out of the church completely. I believe that in mature, small group settings, we should be able to discuss such struggles tactfully. When it comes to sex within marriage, God is extremely liberal, while He’s ultra conservative with regards to sex outside marriage, and we ought to be exactly the same but the problem is we tend to blur the line and conflate the two statuses, as the outside-inside tension and dramatic shift in God’s disposition toward sex depending on one’s marital status can create bewilderment and confusion for those of us believers with uncommon bedroom desires. “What if you marry someone then later find out you don’t like the sex?” asked a very liberal coworker that teaches Sunday school classes in a very liberal denomination. My response was that God in His matchless wisdom has equipped us to discern who we’re more than likely to greatly enjoy sex with, even before marriage. But those of us with less common desires like Couples Nursing are in a quandary, more so if we also desire features like autostreaming. In God’s design, marriage is only meant to happen once, thus the importance of making a careful decision and ensuring that our non-negotiables are met can’t be overstated.

In my quest to resolve this new dilemma, I’ve recently realized that the bottomline is doing some honest, Spirit-led introspection by asking myself how marrying a woman capable of autostreaming enhances my marriage biblically. What advantage would such a woman have over a godly one who makes enough milk but lacks this ability? How does an autostreaming wife make my marriage godlier, and paint a better picture of Christ and His sacrifice for His Bride?

My answers are as follows. First of all, in the Old Testament, God repeatedly refers to the Promised Land as the land flowing with milk and honey. (Exodus 3:8; Numbers 14:8; Deuteronomy 31:20; Ezekiel 20:15) [1]. Secondly, as mentioned in the third paragraph of this post, an ANR that entails autostreaming would enable us to better appreciate God’s providence and bountiful blessings on the marriage relationship. Consider Isaiah 66:11, where God says: “That you may nurse and be satisfied with [Jerusalem’s] comforting breasts, that you may suck and be delighted with her bountiful bosom.” We have even more examples of God doing things like raining down manna on the Israelites and Jesus feeding several thousands and having 12 basketfulls leftover.

Further, in John 2:6, Christ turned water into wine. Between 120 and 180 gallons of wine to be precise. If God weren’t a proponent of overflowing abundance, why would He choose to bless a brand new marital union by miraculously creating between 454 and 681 liters of wine?

Therefore, we can surely conclude that God views an abundance of nourishment as a great blessing.

Because Christ has ransomed His Bride from death with His very own blood, she owes Him her complete allegiance and must bear fruit for Him, see Ephesians 2:10.
In an analogous way, after a long hard day’s work providing for her, I’d like a wife who reciprocates by raining down her best on me. It truly is a beautiful thing when a wife wants to bear abundant fruit for her dear hardworking husband who loves her like Christ loves the Church.

Also, keep in mind that one of my biggest reasons for desiring Couples Nursing is to have my wife physically becoming part of me. The more of her in me, the better.
Likewise, the Spirit of Christ doesn’t partially indwell me. God doesn’t believe in half-hearted efforts. The only reason observers are able to see partial Spiritual fruit is my sin. My rationale is ‘why settle for a wife who can partially fill me if I can marry one that can fill me to the brim?’

And to put it quite simply, autostreaming is fun and exciting and a woman who can do that has an advantage over one who can’t.

I hope I’ve been able to convince you of the divine, biblical validity of engorged, overflowing, autostreaming breasts and how they are a sign of God’s blessing.

Single guys, from doing some** non-sinful research, I can confidently tell you that the women who produce the most milk and can therefore autostream more than the rest are Oriental Asian. But don’t book your flights to Tokyo just yet. They seem to make a lot more thin, watery foremilk than creamy, nutritious hindmilk, which I’m guessing is related to their diet. (DISCLAIMER: gentlemen, this useful bit of info is only meant to provide guidance to the single Christian man who longs for a solid Christian woman capable of autostreaming. If it causes you to lust or objectify Asian women, I can’t be held responsible.

I think the rules can be bent in this case for the sake of mercy and prudence, to prevent the believer from being sexually unfulfilled for the rest of his life after getting married. My study Bible notes about 1 Samuel 21:4-5, where the priest gave a famished David the holy bread which was only for consumption by priests: “Ahimelech was bending the rules, since only priests were allowed to eat the bread, and only in a holy place. However, Jesus endorsed Ahimelech’s judgment in putting mercy before ceremonial law.”)

If only the translators of Proverbs had maintained a high degree of fidelity to the original Hebrew, the entire dilemma described herein could have been averted. Had I known that God directly exhorts me to “let her breasts drench me,” such knowledge would have saved me a lot of time and sin. God does not equivocate, so “let her breasts drench you at all times” means “let her breast drench you at all times.” God is very liberal indeed when it comes to marital sex, and we ought to be the same way.

When with my future wife D.V., I would love her autostreaming often, and us making it one of the highlights of our Adult Nursing Relationship. I want to take highly confidential, tightly secured pictures and record videos : ) I want to drink from her overflowing abundance.

 

Footnotes:

*I’m cautious about using the word “fantasy.” Elder T advises against holding on to any fantasies due to Philippians 4:8: “…whatever is true … think about such things.” He has my vote, except for one qualification. I agree that the Bible teaches to focus more on the here and now rather than worrying about the unknown future, but I think some fantasies can be realistic. Ladies, if you’re waiting for an extremely handsome and godly multi-billionaire to sweep you off your feet and tell you how much he loves you every hour on the hour, 24 times a day, that’s probably not gonna happen. Guys, neither is the desire to find a Baywatch babe turned Christian who wants to have sex with you seven times a day. But if you hope (without obsessing) for an attractive Christian gentleman who wants to drink your essence daily, or a godly, well-endowed woman who would love to drench you everyday, then you’re on solid ground. They do exist. I’ve met some. I could be married to one right now if it weren’t for the inadequate chemistry. There’s a difference between exotic but realistic, and wild and imaginary.

** Christians looking for resources on ANR are often in an exceedingly difficult position. It’s a beautiful gift that’s biblical but also sexual and not highly looked upon in our day so it’s a challenge to avoid visiting disgusting sites. We need a lot more clean and Christian ANR resources so we can forgo any “insights” that the dirty ones may offer.

1. Why was Israel called the land of milk and honey? Got Questions

See also:

Super-producing mom donates 600 gallons of breast milk

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