1000% confident, the boundary is conversation

“It is my firm conviction that when dating, Christians should have no visual privacy, auditory privacy is understandable.”

When to bring it up to a potential mate, Christ-centered ANR

I’ve wrestled with this question for years. Exactly where do you place the boundary with regards to wanting an ANR when you’re single?

Sure, on this blog, it’s been established that one should talk about the need for an ANR before marriage, as one of my readers in an ANR-less marriage regrettably let me know. But in an effort to shun moralistic puritanism, I’ve asked myself the question repeatedly lately. To avoid robbing myself of a normal joyful life due to legalistic religiosity, I became a tolerant goalpost mover. Again, I haven’t fornicated or become engaged in a pre-marital ANR. I even prayed and fasted, asking the Lord to reveal his will.

When we become lax in maintaining a holy standard of living, we quickly become comfortable with shifting standards. But God has repeatedly prodded me in the most miraculous ways. Since I became a believer over a decade ago, I haven’t felt this clearly convicted. There has been nothing God has revealed to me with more clarity than His disapproval with me playing with the boundaries. I haven’t lost an arm or a leg, nor have I had a near death experience, but God has his ways of getting our attention when necessary.

Contrastingly, I have always felt peace after dates with godly women during which we honor God’s desire for absolute purity by discussing my ANR desire, and leaving it at that. That I have never felt God’s displeasure after discussing ANR on any romantic dates is evidence that God blesses the act within marriage, and prospective couples are wise to make known this lifestyle should they desire it in marriage. But messing with God’s clearly established limits has certainly resulted in his loving hand of correction in my life. I’ve become infinitely convinced that the hard, unmovable biblical boundary is conversation, and nothing beyond.

The problem with most believers is we usually do one of two things: we fear the boundary or cross it. God wants us to know the boundary is there for our protection.

“[I] have played with the boundaries in the bible in the past, and it leads to bondage and a lack of peace”

— A Christian woman

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