There’s only one word I’d add to this meme.
There’s only one word I’d add to this meme.
I occasionally get concerned about the possibility of a future wife’s increased size. If she isn’t too large to begin with, the increased cup size would be obvious.
What couples do behind closed doors is none of my business and I always try to focus on women’s eyes, not their breasts, but when living with the couple that practiced CN, I couldn’t help noticing the fact that the wife was about two cup sizes bigger when compared to the wedding picture in the living room. I suspected an ANR marriage even before overhearing her disclosure. This couple made me realize that people may be able to tell what my future wife and I do behind closed doors.
I’m at a place in my life where I’m quite secure in myself, especially with regards to my identity in Christ, but the facts that ANRs are still taboo and marriage will be a novelty have me a bit concerned.
I wonder how other couples handle this and many other potentially embarrassing situations. I do know that the husband and wife founders of an ANR site successfully allayed fears that the wife may leak during business meetings, although this is a bit different from my concerns.
Maybe I ought to let go and embrace it, after all, by establishing this blog, my aim is to promote this lifestyle, regardless of people’s opinions and judgments.
When the LORD your God enlarges your territory, as he has promised you, and you say, ‘I will eat meat,’ because you CRAVE meat, you may eat meat whenever you desire.
— Deuteronomy 12:20 (emphasis mine)
7 For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, 8 a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, [:)] a land of olive trees and honey, 9 a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. 10 And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.
— Deuteronomy 8
11 But the land that you are going over to possess is a land of hills and valleys, which drinks water by the rain from heaven, 12 a land that the Lord your God cares for. The eyes of the Lord your God are always upon it, from the beginning of the year to the end of the year.
13 “And if you will indeed obey my commandments that I command you today, to love the Lord your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, 14 he[a] will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the later rain, that you may gather in your grain and your wine and your oil. 15 And he will give grass in your fields for your livestock, and you shall eat and be full. 16 Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them;
It’s okay to enjoy life while remembering the Source of all provision and abundance, and giving Him all the glory.
It’s okay to be human.
Nothing wrong with craving a beautiful godly wife with an amazing body, a secure, handsome husband who loves the Lord, or craving milk and honey and everything good life has to offer – only biblically.
God didn’t subject His Son to eternal hell for our sins. I think this is a model for His limiting sexual deprivation only to a season of life.
I spent too long around people who focus on a God who’s holy, holy, holy and full of wrath towards sinners, which He is, but they seem to forget that He’s also a God who turned water to wine at a wedding, wrote Proverbs 5 and the Song of Solomon, commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, doesn’t want us sexually deprived in marriage, and richly provides us with everything good to enjoy.
Practice disipline now, reap the rewards later. Work diligently for a season, not forever. Same goes for self-restraint and abstinence.
God is reasonable, gracious and fair.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. (Proverbs 1:7 ESV)
There is an old expression. Maybe you’ve heard it. Maybe you haven’t. It isn’t used much anymore. But it needs to be used more. The saying is “putting the cart before the horse.” This little gem of wisdom is all about the the natural order of things.
There is a question that is commonly asked more than any other. When and how do I bring up the subject? Do I join a dating site and create an ad? Do I just start a relationship? Do I marry this person in hopes that he/she may be interested?
There is no set answer. No exact time frames to follow. There are no easy answers in life. There are no magic bullets. Every situation is as unique as the individuals involved. What works for one person may not work for another.
Two common mistakes people make when approaching this subject are as follows.
1.) Seeking the ANR before the actual relationship.
2.) Bringing it up way too early. An example would be during the early dating phase.
The first one is easy to address. And all it really takes is self-control. Don’t mention that you want an ANR. Especially on dating sites. ANR is still shrouded in taboo. If you mention it in your profile you are asking for trouble. Women will pass men over thinking they are freaks. And women will get offers from tons of men only interested in their breasts.
Seek the relationship first. Get to know the person. Learn about them. Start building a bond. If you have a healthy relationship the subject of ANR will probably come up. You must go through the process first. ANR requires a strong partnership to work. This is the time to build that partnership.
The second one is much harder to address. But if you are in tune with each other already you will be able to recognize signs of interest. The best way is too ask questions. Let the relationship progress. Ask questions based on this progress.
Bringing it up on the first, second, or third date is not generally a good idea. Remember, ANR is still considered “taboo” and he/she may look at you weird or start running for the door.
If you are bringing it up at the same time in every relationship, and are still getting rejected. Change your approach. Doing the same thing every time expecting different results is called insanity.
I know you are craving the intimacy that ANR offers. But don’t let that desire overrule your good sense. Constant rejection is hard to deal with. And if your are not careful resentment will set in.
Put your relationship before the ANR. If you put your ANR before your relationship you won’t have one. If you put your relationship before your ANR you will have one. Use wisdom and understanding. And be careful to not “put the cart before the horse.”
According to Wikipedia, Charis is “a given name derived from a Greek word meaning ‘grace, kindness, and life’. In Greek mythology, a Charis is one of the Charites or ‘Graces’, goddesses of charm, beauty, nature, human creativity and fertility.”
Over two thousand years ago, the word had a mythological denotation but Google it today, and the majority of results you see are Christian.
I like how a bit of Greek mythology has been reclaimed by God the Son. New Testament writers just had to take this word after eyewitnessing the risen Lord.
I couldn’t help but smile when I read the secular definition of this Christianized word. Kindness. Grace. Beauty. Human creativity. Fertility. I think these describe many ANR-interested women perfectly. In a picture dictionary, a portrait of the typical Christian woman with ANR interests is all that would be needed to define charis.
To this day, some refuse to accept Christian rock, rap and heavy metal as legitimate forms of worship. Like most Adult Nursing Relationships, rock, rap and metal continue to be subject to the power of the prince of the air. But God makes all things new. If He can redeem desperately wicked sinners like you and me, then He can redeem anything.
Philippians 3:20-21 says “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables Him even to subject all things to Himself.”
And 1 Corinthians 15:24-28: “Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For “God[a] has put all things in subjection under his feet.” But when it says, “all things are put in subjection,” it is plain that he is excepted who put all things in subjection under him. 28 When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all.”
RC Sproul comments on these verses: “Redemption is not complete ‘until he has put all his enemies under his feet’ (v. 25, a clear reference to Ps 110:1), and since death is the last enemy, ( v. 26), Christ’s work is not done until death is destroyed…[t]he climax of Christ’s submissive, messianic work is this total conquest over His enemies, ‘that God may be all in all’, when His absolute rule is universally acknowledged.”
Nothing in existence, nothing, not sex, drugs, rock and roll, not hip hop, heavy metal, no, not Couples Nursing or even hell is outside the domain of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Jesus looks at entire realm of the universe and says “Mine”.
Adult Nursing Relationships are bowing to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
Looking back to last summer when I started this blog, I didn’t imagine it being what it is today. I’ve had over 3,000 unique visitors and almost 10,000 views. I thank God those numbers keep rising, as I have a significant number of new visitors daily. Some of you have reached me via email, a few have left comments and likes, other bloggers- Christian and non-Christian alike, have followed, and God has even provided a co-author.
There’s no denying the fact that untold thousands, perhaps approaching a million Christians, equally male and female, are interested in ANRs. This blog needed to happen. And we need to stop viewing sex and intimacy as taboo subjects.
I’m happy that Ray Stone and I are providing content that resonates with many other believers who no longer feel alone in this desire. I can’t wait to see which direction God will take this blog in 2016 and beyond.
Thank God for each and every one of you.
Nowadays, everyone seems to get on their soapbox to yell things like self-assertion, corporate career ladder success and female-led families, but God says the most empowering things women should take pride in are those that are uniquely feminine and beautiful in His eyes. These include homemaking, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, nurturing and voluntary submission to husbands. These spell femininity at its finest.
The only female judge of Israel, Deborah calls herself “a mother in Israel” (Judges 5:7). If we read the Bible thoroughly, we see that’s the kind of leadership role God wants for women. Divine femininity looks like nurturing and serving behind the scenes.
Here’s an excerpt from an email I received from a female reader and fellow ANR fan:
“I am middle aged with four children, am sadly divorced. We didn’t share a faith.
Also, and here is honesty, it was a power struggle, I had been brought up to be equal to men by being the same as men. This is, of course, a ghastly misinterpretation on equality, however it was, and mainly still is, the bedrock on which women gained equality. Rather than the really glorious equality in our differences!
In the last decade I have been graced in having my eyes open to see there is only room for one head of the household and that had to be ‘himself’. And the greatest gift I receive in honouring this is so many opportunities to learn humility in obedience.”
Godly women with godly husbands back in the ’50s were happier than any other subset of the female population since then.
Some ANR women have noted how they feel very feminine during ANR sessions. This is what femininity looks like, it doesn’t look like women wanting to be men.
True happiness comes when you’re at peace with God’s grand design, with his gender roles.
In the ’50s, I believe women validated themselves by how they made good housewives, now it’s how sexy their bodies are, who they’re sleeping with/getting attention from, or their career achievements. Today’s woman may think she’s happier since she’s come a long way from those “ancient, repressive ’50s” but soul-deep happiness belongs to the woman who doesn’t feel she has a point to prove or an opposite sex to compete with. Joy belongs to those who know the sexes were created to complement, not compete against each other.
I recently passed by a high school football practice and dinner event. One mother made three huge trays of baked ziti and one tray of salad, she also bought a bag of rolls, lots of cookies and bottled water for the players and coaches. Again, this is what femininity looks like.
Women aren’t second class citizens. God has a role for women that is completely opposite of what feminists would like girls to believe. Serving behind the scenes doesn’t mean you’re worth less. Just like being a spiritual or household leader doesn’t give you any more worth than those you lead because leading doesn’t mean lording it over others (Matthew 20:25-28). Being a leader isn’t all about authority, privileges or glamour and by definition, not everyone will get to lead, contrary to what the media and today’s top prosperity preachers espouse. If we all lead, who’ll be left to follow?
I would vote for a female president, as women aren’t biblically prohibited from holding political leadership positions. I only have a problem with women who want to wear male pants, and this has been going on since the Fall.
Because most people don’t have any regard for God, don’t read the Bible and want to redefine everything, like His beautifully defined gender roles, Couples Nursing is as weird to the modern Westerner as biblical gender roles are.
But those who know better have more soul-deep happiness.
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”
Wayne W. Dyer
I have been a contributor to a lot of anr blogs, groups, and forums throughout the years. Some have been good some have been useless, but one common message is present on everyone. If a woman refuses to give into a man’s nursing desires the conclusion drawn is that she is automatically being selfish. The same also works when a woman shares her desires with her man only to be rejected by him. Is he automatically being selfish too? This question deserves an answer, but the answer is often surprising because it goes against “conventional” wisdom.
Couples nursing is a subject met with a lot mixed feelings shared by many different people. Some absolutely adore the idea, some would rather get a root canal, but the couples who try it often find they cannot live without it. Some people refuse to even give it a try and that is a shame. A reason for this has to do with the above quote which is about perception. It all deals with how we perceive things to be, the Bible even talks about perception which I will cover later.
Put yourself in a woman’s shoes for a moment. How do they fit? Our first reaction, guys, when rejected is to go on the defensive and blame the woman. I mean she has the breasts, right? That means she has the final say in the matter, right? Is she automatically being selfish or is it something else altogether? Let’s examine a few things first before we jump to conclusions. Automatically jumping to conclusions without looking at the whole picture is foolish.
Perception is everything in life. One person sees a glass half full and another person sees it half empty. Three people could witness a car accident and see it three different ways. But you take all three stories and you get a much bigger picture than if you just took one of them.Perception is all about someone looking at something or someone and interpreting what they see for themselves. Perception becomes reality for most people who witness, on a consistent basis, what goes on and what is said in the world today.
Many perceptions about nursing proliferate in our culture, like dandelion seeds to the wind, unfortunately some of those seeds sprout negative flowers. Walking through the field of perceptions and separating fact from fiction can be a daunting task. One perception about nursing is that a mother and her child are the only ones that should experience it. This does seem valid because a woman will start lactating after the birth of her child, and the “milk making” process does get started during pregnancy. After all, why would a grown man need milk? So, on the surface this perception does make sense.
So, when you bring up couples nursing to your spouse, she’s been so conditioned to think only of “baby nursing”, she’s probably going to think you have a baby fetish. She is thinking that you want to go out and buy adult diapers and a pacifier next. Tragically, most women go to the grave never knowing that they can produce milk without a pregnancy, most doctors don’t even know a woman can induce lactation.
Some men may know about a woman’s physical capabilities, but that’s how women perceive the idea because they have been conditioned to think that way. She fears that this is some sort of fetish and that she will become his “mother” and she thinks this is what he wants her to be. You may try to persuade her otherwise, but nothing you say or do will ever move her position on this issue once her mind is made up.
A woman having these perceptions will think a man is being a pervert if he requests something like this. Thoughts will run through her head trying to rationalize this request. He was never interested when I nursed the children? He never wanted to be close to me before? I always thought the football games were what he liked more? Why all of the sudden the change? Is he hiding something from me? He must be missing his mother.
Men have also been conditioned to think similarly. Men fear that she will become a “mother” to him as well. Considering that the average man relegates his wife nursing him to the “unmanly” category. Adding to the fact that most men have no interest in pregnancy and/or childbirth and childrearing. Most men tend freak out when they find out that a woman has lactating breasts which doesn’t help their case either. Women take all these things in and it becomes part of their reality. Most men have conditioned women believe that they want no part of this. The average man fails to understand this concept and accuses her of being selfish when she refuses to give into his demands.
Men who desire couples nursing need to find ways to make a woman WANT to do it. Treat her with respect and love all the time and be consistent about it. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to her when you’re alone together, you can be masculine and tender at the same time. Hold her and make eye contact with her. In short, be a strong but also gentle with her. Even during the dating phase you need to be TENDER with her. Tenderness is what women desire most, they are nurturers by nature and their goal is your happiness and comfort.
A girl who is going through puberty needs to know that she can make milk without being pregnant first. A woman needs to know that she has the ability nurse her husband and care for him. Education is the first step in changing people’s perception, because you cannot fix what you do not know. Research and learn the subject, learn how to communicate your feelings better. Once you receive the truth, use what you learn to better yourself and others in the process.
If we want the perception of couples nursing to change we have to be the ones to change it. We have to start talking about it, we have to be honest with our children. I have said it a thousand times; if you don’t talk to your children someone else will and that may not be good. Couples nursing is a subject that any Christian should never shy away from. If the world saw Christians embracing this activity it would help change perceptions. Every Bible believing, God fearing Christian should include this in their marriage. I believe couples nursing is the only way to establish the interdependency needed for a truly stable partnership.
When I first learned about couples nursing I started to look at women in a different manner. I changed my perception to create a different reality. Instead, of just the opposite sex, I started looking at their nurturing qualities more positively. I started craving those traits and in the process I started talking to women in a different way. When I talked to them I appealed more to their nurturing attributes. As a consequence of changing my approach, women began to express themselves to me more about things they desired. I had grown up thinking that women were too mysterious to understand and I concluded, one and for all, that such a viewpoint was indeed false.
Jesus talks about perception in the following verse. “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! (Matthew 6:22-23 ESV) Your eyes bring in light, but a lot of us have unhealthy eyes so then our perception of light and darkness becomes skewed. A lot of us Christians continue to live in darkness thinking that the darkness is light because our eyes are still blind from ignorance, never recognizing the true light.
To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled. (Titus 1:15 ESV) Perception needs more discussion in Christian circles. The verse, in a nutshell, is saying that if your mind is pure your perception will be pure, if you have an impure mind your perception will be impure. We have to start seeing things from a different perception in order to differentiate the light from darkness.
Are there selfish women out there? Yes, just like an equal amount of selfish men exist as well. Before we jump to conclusions and play the blame game let’s ask ourselves some things first. Why do I desire couples nursing? Am I respecting his/her feelings when I request this and am I sure I have the right motives in mind before I ask? Couples nursing is a big commitment and we need to be the best we can for our partner. Remember that like everything else in life you get out what you put in and relationships are no different.
I challenge Christians everywhere to be the ones to help change the perception of couples nursing so more Christians will practice it in their marriages. We need to set the example because the unsaved are watching us and their present “perception” of us is negative due to the cancer known as self-righteousness. If we start talking about these things openly the unsaved are going to pay attention, and some of them may even be led to the faith. Let’s start having a conversation about it honestly and openly.
There’s this very useful Christian website based in Colorado. Affiliated with a well-known conservative organization that promotes family values, the site provides many helpful resources to single Christians and young adults and I generally enjoy their gospel-centered articles but one day, I came across an unhelpful, unforgettable statement that I must call out.
If you’re a single man who one day stumbles by viewing porn, wait one year before actively dating a sister in Christ, the statement essentially read. The author acknowledged how harsh that sounded, but maintained that with such filth still close to the surface, men have no business pursuing God’s daughters.
To be fair, the author also stated that the habit of viewing porn is a terrible one to bring into a marriage, and I agree. My main problem with his article is his failure to differentiate between the habitual viewer and the occasional stumbler. He simply tossed everyone in the same boat. One year fits all.
This makes him come across as a legalist, as I explain below, despite his good faith attempt to protect our sisters. Like millions of Christians, purity seems to be a stumbling block for the author.
I know it’s possible to give up a porn habit but still struggle to forget, even after several years, because, let’s face it, regular porn consumers never completely rid their minds of pornographic images, regardless of the passage of a year or ten. Does that mean they’re never to seek marriage? A lifetime of singleness for folks who just can’t get those decades-old images out of their heads? As we can see, it’s not about time since last viewing. God sees things in terms of heartfelt repentance (Acts 2:37), not in terms of time frames. He doesn’t keep a record of when we last wronged Him, and I sure am glad for that.
It’s your attitude towards porn and how far you’re willing to go to guard your heart that counts, not how recently you viewed it.
At amusement parks, we often run into signs that say “you must be ‘this’ tall to get on this ride”. These signs remind me of the mindset too many Christians have. I’ve come across far too many Christians who say ‘before considering marriage, you must be “this” sanctified’, subjectively setting some level of sanctification as a yardstick. For a few extremists, that level is nothing short of perfection.
Let me state one thing clearly: God only has one indisputable marital prerequisite, and that’s saving faith in His Son, not some human-defined sanctification benchmark, or the abstention from some particular sins for some human-determined period. The ability to care for your would-be spouse is also important, but anyone with genuine faith in Christ would naturally want to care for their future spouse.
Another reason I find the advice legalistic and troubling is the fact that according to the author’s logic, every married man who gives in to pornographic temptation must separate from his wife for a year each time it occurs, or, unlikely but possible, that the God-fearing single man who despite his best efforts, keeps slipping into porn once every eleven months and twenty nine days must stay single for life, as he’s locked into a vicious circle.
Moreover, insisting on time frames and human-defined levels of righteousness before marriage is exactly the kind of works-based righteousness against which God warned us through the letters of the apostle Paul. The only biblical pattern I’m aware of that mandates physical separation during a period of cleansing is tied to Mosaic Law, which no longer applies to believers.
If a single man is struggling with porn, this shows that there’s a beautiful, God-given desire that he’s trying to fulfill in the wrong ways. Having him wait twelve months is probably counterproductive. I have a different, multi-layer proposal: finding several accountability partners, using internet monitoring software, taking his sexual desires to God in prayer, and perhaps his body is signaling time to begin begging God for a wife.
It’s your heart attitude that matters, not time frames. I know abstaining from all things remotely sexual, including marriage and the opposite sex, has only caused problems for me.
This is perhaps my co-laborer Ray Stone’s biggest problem with the Church today, and also one of mine.
We’re so dogmatic and unforgiving that we conjure up unreasonable rules like the Pharisees did (see Matthew 23:4).
Unlike Pharisees, God has a dichotomous view of morality. By His standards, no one is worthy of marriage, since we all fall into sexual sin each and every day (Matthew 5:28, Mark 7:20-23). Thanks be to God for Jesus Christ, through Whom we have already been perfected without having to wait 12 months. Our positional sanctification is already complete in the present, and that goes even for the worst porn fanatic who now places his trust in Jesus.
Christians are so steeped in unbiblical, moralistic traditions that they are unable and unwilling to dig up the real truth and appreciate that which God endorses and declares beautiful e.g. Couples Nursing, thus the Christian taboo surrounding anything sexual is perpetuated.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
The average woman with ANR interests is 5’5″ or 165 cm tall. This isn’t too big a deal but it’s significant. I might explain what I mean in a future post.
Source and method: I randomly selected 200 women from an ANR dating site and found out their average height was literally just a hair above 5’5″. Although I didn’t perform a detailed statistical breakdown and couldn’t tell you the standard deviation, I know there was a little bit of spread. I recall one woman being 4’10” (147 cm) and another that was taller than 6 ft (183 cm), but the clear majority were close to the mean.
1. Endowed. This first bonus characteristic of the female ANR lover seems like the most obvious, and of all physical attributes shared by women on ANR blogs and dating sites, it’s way up there with having sensitive and responsive skin/nerves as one of the most common. About nine of ten I encountered during my online research are blessed in this department.
When I realized this, I had to take a moment and pause in awe of the divine grace bestowed upon men through these ladies who are godly, well-endowed and wanting to nurse their men. And believe me guys, there are thousands of them out there in the world 🙂
Generally, the more endowed a woman is, the more male attention she’d like paid to that part of her body. I came across some ANR desiring women who admitted to this desire for breast attention. Biblically speaking, a marital ANR is the most glorious way to receive that attention. Besides procreation, I can’t think of a more exalted way to feel feminine in a sense that’s simultaneously functional and sexual. “I feel like producing milk is the most feminine thing a woman can do with the exception of giving birth”, said one woman on ANRSpace.
As I stated in my post defending ANRs from a biblical standpoint, sadly, most women use their breasts in all the wrong ways in order to get this attention and feel like a “goddess.”
The following admonition to gentlemen should be obvious and I apologize for being preachy, but I still think it’s worth stressing the need to avoid staring, as it’s easy to tell when a woman is well endowed.
Ladies, as a guy who has been complimented on some of his facial features, I think the male equivalent of this criterion might just be that- masculine features that are easy on the eyes, if I may be so bold to say.
Personality and character play a slightly bigger role in determining ANR interest than physical attributes, as we’ve learned from the seven traits. There are millions of well-endowed women who are repulsed by the idea of ABF, just like there are millions of “smaller” women who are very interested. Larger breasted ones just want it strongly enough to advertise their desire on ANR sites and blogs. So it’s best to think of this trait as a bonus.
2. Different. Alternative. Perhaps a little weird, by worldly (western) standards. Nothing wrong with being weird. I’ve been called that plenty of times. The world needs weird people in order to function properly. In this context, we easily see why oddness can be a blessing. We “different” people can be trailblazers. I know eccentricity is often linked to intelligence but I was intrigued to see how this book links it to leadership. I think we can all concur that weird people can sometimes be revolutionaries. John the Baptist wore clothes made of camel’s hair and ate locusts and wild honey. Our Savior Himself had the unbelieving Jews convinced He was out of His mind by telling them to eat His flesh and drink His blood.
In my biblical defense post, I mention how alternative forms of intimacy can sometimes be seen as too out there by self-proclaimed normal, righteous, cultured folks, until we “weirdos” popularize them. Then they all jump on the bandwagon.
3. Lonely. Deprivation increases the need for intimacy. Like weirdness, loneliness can be a blessing in disguise.
4. Pretty. Blue eyes. Brown eyes. Hazel. Blue-green.
Blonde. Brunette. Brown. Jet black. Red.
Freckled and non-freckled.
Black, white, Asian, mixed. Gorgeous women from all nations and tongues I encountered on my quest.
Experts frequently draw parallels between attractiveness and health. Apparently, healthy people instinctively know Couples Nursing is a healthy practice, both to the individual and the couple.
5. Doula, nurse, lactation consultant, midwife, maternal and child health caregiver, women’s healthcare worker, naturopathic healthcare worker or other caregiver.
I have yet another post related to the ANR profile to be published next Monday. Please stay tuned. If you have any input on any of these characteristics, don’t be shy- leave a comment or write firstname.lastname@example.org.
*Craving something isn’t always sinful, depending on the object and the circumstances. It becomes sinful when the craving becomes a distraction. It’s possible to have a very strong desire for something without sinning, see Proverbs 13:12, and interestingly, see also verse 19.
God created women to be softer, more delicate and innate nurturers. These women take pride in their femininity; they naturally and joyfully take hold of divinely established gender roles.
They are built more for comfort than speed, and their softness is multi-dimensional: physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. Their idea of a strong marriage is when both spouses are laid bare and vulnerable to each other. It’s in daily re-living Genesis 2:25: Adam and his wife naked and not ashamed.
Women who nurse their husbands often report being proud of what they do and feeling more feminine and attractive during the nursing, so this adds even more of a feminine glow to these women who are already very feminine to begin with. To them that have, more will be given, and to them that don’t have, even what little they have will be taken away, Mark 4:25.
One shouldn’t mistake these ladies’ softness for weakness, however. It’s possible to simultaneously be soft and physically strong. I came across an ANR woman who’s into fitness and weight training, and another that’s very much into all professional sports. They may be soft but they all possess quiet strength, not in-your-face aggressiveness. (Link contains an endorsement of evolutionary theory.)
I believe the description above mostly correlates with the ANR man, except of course, in a masculine way. The typical ANR man is probably gentle, well-built and filled with inner strength, not the highly insecure “macho” type.
Although popularly frowned upon, the Bible makes much mention of tenderness. Christ is often called a Lamb, or more accurately, a Lion and a Lamb. We’re commanded to be innocent as doves, shrewd as serpents. Tenderness and strength seem like inseparable concepts in God’s Word.
The preceding is dedicated to all the ladies out there who are tender on the outside, lioness on the inside. Nurse on.
(Six down, one to go. Monday, October 5th concludes our series. Have a blessed week.)
It’s incredibly hard to be a Christian sometimes. What a tightrope this is. When you’re a single man with a biblical, beautiful, yet sexual desire, you face a tough balancing act, thus I have some confessing to do.
God’s Word mentions HN thrice as far as I know, but I sometimes think of it with disproportionate frequency. If believers leave anything unchecked, we can easily take beautiful truths from Scripture and twist them into saying things like Mary never sinned, or God forbid, forming an entire denomination/cult around Couples Nursing.
Please keep me in your prayers.
See also: What the Bible does NOT say about an ANR for more confessions.
2016 update: God won’t deny Himself. The indwelling Holy Spirit won’t let me go. The struggle mentioned above is cyclical. He’s giving me victory with this sin, as the truly regenerate are marked by a lifestyle of repentance, and I see God’s sanctifying grace in me through all this.
Also see Sexual desire is neither sinful nor scary, where I make the following statement:
“I thank God that only through His Spirit, I don’t have mental ANRs with women I come across in my day-to-day life. Rather, my desire is mostly attached to the hope of enjoying this gift in marriage alone. With God the Spirit dwelling in us, being very sexual and very monogamous is an absolute possibility, more than that, it’s the expectation for the regenerate.”
The recent Ashley Madison leak has revealed some telling data. 99.95% of the site’s users are male. How does this compare to other matchmaking sites? On those tailored towards mainstream sexual activity, about 75 to 80% of users are male. In comparison, only 68% of heterosexual accounts on ANRSpace belong to men, but I strongly believe the actual ratio of people desiring an ANR is even more balanced between the sexes.
Here’s why I hold that view: despite only 0.05% of Ashley Madison customers being female, I learned that 41% of marital infidelity is perpetrated by women. So the real issue isn’t a paucity of women who cheat or want an ANR, it’s twofold: 1. Women are more secretive, so when desirous of anything sexual or extramarital, they generally won’t resort to the World Wide Web to find an outlet, and 2. Women have a much easier time finding sexual partners.
The main reason I strongly suspect a 50-50 ratio for Adult Nursing Relationships is their unique nature.
Many ANR women have much girl next door charm. Some are even involved in church.
Ladies don’t view Couples Nursing as an exclusively sexual activity. To them, it’s a beautiful, loving, bonding act. On ANR blogs and dating sites, most mention the intimacy it creates before the sexual aspect.
God has designed women to be very society-friendly. A good litmus test of the social conduciveness of anything is to examine its male-female ratio. The more equal, the better.
It’s worth noting that the more lewd ANR dating sites have significantly fewer female users than ANRSpace, so if the clean, gospel-centered ANR dating site I envision were to come to fruition, I bet its male-female ratio would be an even 50-50.
There’s absolutely no activity I think men and women could agree on more than ABF. Women realize that it elevates intimacy to never-before-seen heights, and that’s what primarily draws them to it. The inherent sexual pleasure plays an important but slightly less significant role. For men, it’s both the extreme intimacy and a sexual attraction to breasts. Men approach ABF from a sexual and relational standpoint, women from a nurturing/bonding, before sexual one, so they essentially meet halfway. Husband Nursing lies at the confluence of our God-given, sex-specific hard wiring.
CN creates a win-win situation for both spouses. That’s why a healthy amount of it is only beneficial, never detrimental to marriage, also why every couple that partakes in it loves it and why a significantly higher proportion of women are interested, compared to other activities that are reserved for the bedroom. Indeed, of the dozens of ANR blogs out there, mine is the only one I know that is owned by a man.
One of the ladies who said no to an ANR had professed to having a high sex drive. She told me she found it interesting and peculiar that I insist on any one particular sex act in marriage. However, if one reads all the posts on this blog thoroughly and with an open mind, it quickly becomes obvious that an ANR is no mere sex act. It’s a way of life. It’s a spiritual mindset that elevates couples to unimaginable heights of intimacy, and is 100% biblical.
The mission and premise behind sites like Ashley Madison is antithetical to those of Christian ANR sites. Some sites are out to destroy the institution of marriage, others aim to strengthen it to the glory of Christ.
Therefore, ANRs have a lot more female fans than Ashley Madison.
November 2015 update: among search phrases leading to this blog are “how to start ANR with husband” and “how to convince husband about ANR”. I’m yet to see a single one about convincing wives about ANRs. This reinforces the belief that women are equally interested in ANRs, they’re just less likely to advertise their desires on dating sites or anywhere online for that matter.
December 30, 2016 update: today marks the first day I’ve officially seen a search query leading to this blog that’s about starting an ANR with one’s wife – over a year after noticing a pattern of women researching how to start ANRs with their husbands, although earlier this year, there were two queries for “husband wants anr” that went unnoticed.
I don’t think there’s a consensus within the ANR community. Personally, I don’t waste time. I’m completely convinced that an ANR is a huge blessing, so I’m upfront about it. My general principle is first or second date depending on how well we appear to get along, and if she’s an online prospect then it’s always the first Skype video chat. I feel something this beneficial and Christ-exalting should be brought up sooner rather than later. I really don’t want to lead a woman on.
Being candid serves us both. There’s no point waiting until our engagement party to reveal something of this magnitude. I always begin my disclosure by acknowledging how early it is to speak of such intimate matters, but I’m also always sure to let her know my firm belief that the earlier, the better. I have never had a woman get upset at my timing, most likely because of my gradual, cautious approach to broaching the subject, it’s quite the contrary as they always tend to be grateful for my early disclosure. I must reiterate the necessity of cordiality in this kind of situation. Needless to say, there has to be a certain level of safety and warmth between two people before something this intimate is revealed, whether that level is reached on the first date or the tenth, so I usually first chat about spiritual topics and other things for at least an hour before the revelation. Also important: be sure to reveal in a place that affords you no privacy, such as a restaurant. It is my firm conviction that when dating, Christians should have no visual privacy, auditory privacy is understandable.
I’m repeating myself by saying fifteen minutes into the date might be a tad early, and for me, fifteen dates is too long, because I don’t want to end up developing feelings for a woman who rejects this beautiful intimacy.
“Dating has enough pitfalls already. Why open the door to something additional to lust after, after only one date?”, some Christians might object.
Great question. To that I say individual results vary. I don’t recommend everyone follow my M.O. Personally, I don’t view any of the ladies any differently. With me, I honestly see zero chance of an ANR happening before marriage. I still see them the same way – as God’s daughters, with all purity, and I’ve seen little evidence of them lusting after me subsequent to the ANR revelation. To me, the foreknowledge of an ANR in marriage is like having foreknowledge of sex in marriage- and we all fall under that category. So talking about it cautiously before marriage does little to nothing to increase the temptation every Christian couple already faces when dating. Moreover, it’s hard for authentic Christians to have ANRs without being found out because of the major commitment required.
First, to maximize your chances of succeeding, only pursue/be pursued by the type of Christian that’s highly likely to say yes. For guys, it means aiming for the soft, nurturing girl. If you see no signs of feminine softness in her, you’re likely to be wasting your time and hers. Ladies, your best bet is a secure, open-minded gentleman who is anything but a sexually repressed prude.
Focusing on the spiritual aspects of an ANR and the unrivaled intimacy is the way to begin. Thus I always start by saying “I firmly believe a husband and wife should be as intimate as humanly possible.” Few would disagree with that.
Do not proceed before clearing any objections on this critical point. I’ve found that whoever rejects this fundamental biblical principle would obviously reject an ANR.
I always make sure we’re comfortable with each other, and have also usually begun with lines like “there’s something I want in marriage I must reveal. I’ve always desired this particularly beautiful and loving thing but most people don’t practice or discuss it. I want to guard your mind so I’ll be careful in how I describe it. It’s basically about a husband and wife bonding extremely deeply with each other, on a level no other physical act can match, in my opinion. Curious to know more?”
That’s only the intro. I continue to pique her interest by trying to convince her of CN’s benefits, before finally revealing it.
Very important is the need to quote some rave reviews given ANRs by members of your date’s sex. One possibility, if he/she is comfortable enough, is to show real, clean profiles of ANRSpace members of their sex expressing the beauty of Couples Nursing in their own words.
Be very gentle and patient; with something as intimate and “taboo” as an ANR, it’s better to take too much time than too little. Give him/ her time to think and pray about it. Remember to guard his/her heart and mind by pointing him or her only to Christian/non-arousing ANR resources. Failure to heed this warning nearly cost me a friendship or two with some amazing godly women.
If you’re like me, you’d preface it extensively, and the person would ask you to just go for it. This cautious hesitation on my part as I carefully deliver my long preface serves to build suspense, and by the time I tell them it has an erotic component, they’re dying to know more. The combination of being gentle, sounding sincere, not immediately shooting for it, first telling them the benefits before actually disclosing what it is, supplying supporting quotes from ANR-interested women and inserting a clear warning of its sexual nature has always served me well. The ladies’ curiosity alone helps ease the tension.
This gentle, gradual method is the only one that has consistently yielded positive results for me. Using this approach, I still enjoy good relationships with almost all the women to whom I revealed this desire, even those who declined the proposal.
I wish you God’s best as you disclose this beautiful, God-glorifying, marriage-enhancing desire to your potential spouse.
This summer, I began a weekly series of posts in which I drew on my 200 or so hours of research to describe the woman who fits the profile of the typical ANR fan to a tee.
Although I focused on profiling the woman that loves ANRs, ladies can also gain valuable insights by applying the masculine equivalents of these characteristics, as I know most of them describe me.
The most important of the seven are softness, tactility and a nurturing disposition.
These are by no means exhaustive, formulaic or set in stone. I won’t reject a potentially outstanding wife who’s lacking some of these attributes. The deal breaker only comes if she declines an ANR in no uncertain terms, or if she doesn’t impress me when it comes to the ANR fundamentals: nurturing/soft/comforting/encouraging.
Remember, if your potential mate has every single ANR trait but is lacking faith in Christ, this is the very situation that should cause you to immediately sever all romantic ties and run. Don’t end up like Solomon.
ABF, Adult Nursing Relationships, ANR, ANR apologetics, Bible, Biblical defense, Book of Proverbs, breast milk, Central argument, Doula, Doulos, Erotic lactation, Geneva Bible, Husband breastfeeding, Jesus Christ, Scripture, Sexual apologetics, Song of Solomon
One word changes everything
Centuries ago, English translators perpetrated a fraud in the New Testament, and it’s been purposely hidden and covered up ever since … the Greek word for slave (doulos) had been mistranslated in almost every English version- going back to both the King James Version and the Geneva Bible that predated it … translators … had obscured a precious, powerful, and clarifying revelation by the Holy Spirit. Undoubtedly, the cover-up was not intentional – at least not initially. Yet its results have been dramatically serious … I have no doubt that this perpetual hiding of an essential element of New Testament revelation has contributed to much of the confusion in evangelical teaching and practice.
– Excerpts from Slave: the hidden truth about your identity in Christ by John MacArthur.
The mistranslation of one word completely changes how we see ourselves in relation to Christ. Doulos, the Greek word for slave is often mistranslated ‘servant’ or ‘bondservant’ in our English Bibles. This has a profoundly undermining effect on how we view Christ and our salvation.
Some compelling biblical evidence for Adult Nursing Relationships is found in Proverbs 5:19, which in the original Hebrew reads “Let her breasts satiate you at all times.” According to Strong’s Hebrew, the word translated ‘satisfy’ in v. 19 of many English versions is yə-raw-wu-ḵā, whose root is ravah, Strong’s number 7301, which according to his Exhaustive Concordance and other concordances, means to bathe, make drunk, take the fill, satiate, abundantly satisfy, soak, water abundantly, slake the thirst (occasionally of other appetites), drench, drink, drink its fill and fill.
Don’t just skip to the next paragraph. Actually click on the three links above, especially the third one, and read the evidence for yourself.
Just like the mistranslation of the word doulos might be a reason some people now think Jesus is their “homeboy”, one mistranslated Old Testament word has undermined the marriage relationship through the centuries.
To prevent heresy, it is of utmost importance that the Bible be read in context, so if we look at the fifth chapter of the Book of Proverbs in its entirety, with words and phrases like fountains, wells, springs, streams of water and drinking from one’s own cisterns, we observe that it speaks volumes of the fact that God has ordained wives to be wellsprings of refreshment to their husbands. Verses 18-20 read
18 “Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satiate you at all times;
be led astray always in her love.
20 Why should you be led astray, my son, with a forbidden woman
and embrace the bosom of a foreign woman?”
The biblical evidence for Adult Nursing Relationships hardly gets any clearer than the preceding.
I think the preceding verses and Strong’s definition constitute sufficient evidence in any case for ANRs, but there’s even more biblical and extra-biblical evidence that strongly suggests God had a specific purpose when He created breasts and the institution of marriage.
Though his sexual greed was certainly not divinely endorsed, King Solomon, with his thousand wives and concubines might have known a thing or two about how to maintain passion in the bedroom. ABF appears to have been a common practice in his day, but translators most likely obscured the nursing reference, likely to make the verse more palatable to readers.
Song of Solomon 7:8 likens breasts to clusters of the vine. What’s the resemblance of breasts to clusters of grapes? None. Except they both produce a sweet liquid. In my opinion, this most likely refers to Adult Breastfeeding. (I personally prefer the term Couples Nursing, as it sounds far more biblical than the two commonly used terms, and I’d love it if we Christians could popularize it).
In Song 8:2, the bride says “I would lead you into my mother’s house, to the room of she who taught me. I would give you spiced wine squeezed from my pomegranate”, an obvious reference to Couples Nursing, since a pomegranate resembles nothing on a woman’s body except her breasts.
The PRIMARY reason God gave women breasts is to breastfeed. Not to feel sexy when stepping out showing cleavage, or to sell Victoria’s Secret bras. Simply to produce breast milk. Now, many would agree with this but assert that the milk is strictly for babies, which is why milk production starts during pregnancy. If breast milk were meant for husbands, they might add, God would cause wives to start lactating immediately couples become intimate. On the surface, this seems like a valid argument, but let’s remember that men are involved in the childbirth process. Without men, it would be 99.999% impossible for women to lactate naturally.
A biblically knowledgeable woman on ANRSpace said if breastfeeding were for babies alone, breasts won’t develop until pregnancy, then they’ll quickly shrivel up after the child is weaned. Women who aren’t pregnant or breastfeeding would be as flat as an ironing board. I couldn’t agree more.
What if God wants husbands to continue long after babies are finished, or even induce before they’re born? Another ANR-loving woman opined “to have breasts almost all your life only to use for less than two years on each child is a waste.”
It’s also important to note that humans are the only creatures whose mammary glands permanently remain in a protruding state once developed. Even secular Wikipedia says “the constantly protruding breasts of the adult human female, unusually large relative to body size, are a unique evolutionary development whose purpose is not yet fully known… other mammals tend to have less conspicuous mammary glands that protrude only while actually filling with milk.” As an ANR-loving Christian, I felt vindicated reading that. Could it be the evolutionary purpose will never be known because there isn’t any? God’s sovereign plan is to confound human intellectual arrogance.
Verses like Proverbs 5:19, Ezekiel 23:3, 8 and 21 tell us that breasts also serve a secondary sexual purpose. So the only functions of breasts are to nurture and provide sexual pleasure, and the only way to combine both functions is to nurse one’s husband. As we’ll read further down, there’s no logical reason to keep the two separate.
I came across a believer online who reminds us that God could easily have created women to lactate only after giving birth. But the fact that lactation can be induced hints at some additional purpose for lactation, and the long time it takes to successfully induce and produce enough milk (sometimes up to 6+ months) weakens the counter argument that induction is only for feeding adopted babies, since these babies would likely starve to death or grow out of their need for milk by then.
In Matthew 21, Jesus Christ cursed the fig tree that didn’t bear fruit, and in the parable of the talents, the worthless servant who failed to multiply the only talent he was handed eventually got cast into the outer darkness, where there’s weeping and gnashing of teeth. God is extremely serious about His creation multiplying His gifts and bearing fruit. In His economy, nothing goes to waste. Not even our body parts.
Throughout the gospels, we see Jesus prioritizing people’s physical needs over the foolish legalism of the Pharisees, as He healed the sick on the Sabbath. Contrary to what some modern-day Pharisees assert, verses that tell us to flee sexual immorality don’t command us to suppress our beautiful, God-given desire for physical intimacy. God, the author of the Law and Creator of our bodies, cares about the Spirit of the Law just as much as the letter.
1 Corinthians 1 tells us God frustrates the wisdom of the “wise”. He uses things that seem foolish and simple to judge them but save His people. ANR definitely seems foolish to most. Men doing something associated with babies, and women feeding men in the most intimate way possible flies in the face of all we’re told to believe in our ultra-modern world. God, however, cherishes child-like simplicity and submissiveness. Verses 27-29 inform us that “God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; He chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.” The Reformation Study Bible has the following to say about verse 21: “This passage is filled with intense irony. Those who are wise according to the standards of the world think the gospel is foolish. But even the most ‘foolish’ thing about God is wiser than human wisdom (vv. 25, 27). God can use the simplicity of the gospel to demonstrate that real foolishness belongs to those who oppose Him (v. 27). The arrogance of human wisdom blinds unbelievers to the truth. Jesus thanked the Father for His good pleasure in hiding these things from the wise and learned but revealing them to little children (Matt. 11:25, 26).”
This “foolish” act brings unparalleled stability and unity to marriages, and non-Christians also make this claim. One woman noted how it’s the single most stabilizing force in her marriage.
More women would participate in ANRs if not for the submissiveness they imagine it requires from them. One Christian woman actually admitted to this being the deterrent for her. Initially shocked to learn about a sister in Christ nonchalantly admitting her aversion to submission, the very thing God requires of wives, I later saw this as a watershed moment. Perhaps the heart of the matter is that some women are in rebellion against God’s mandate to voluntarily submit to their husbands’ loving leadership. Another Christian woman listed one of her reasons as not wanting the commitment an ANR requires to interfere with her corporate career. So we have an unsubmissive spirit and selfish ambition. At the root of excuses made to avoid an ANR usually lies sin. These two refusers only strengthened my resolve to marry an ANR-desiring woman.
From their objections, it’s clear many Christian women are heavily influenced by our 21st century culture, rather God’s unchanging Word.
My experiences mostly relate to women who reject ANRs but I know millions of men are also turned off by the idea, and in their case, the two things responsible, I think, are pride and insecurity. Women aren’t the problem. Men aren’t either. The real problem is that we’ve all been systematically deceived ever since Adam fell.
Though the saying “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” isn’t found verbatim in the Bible, its origins lie in it. In the case of ANRs, we can say idle breasts are the devil’s workshop, and society confirms God’s take on idleness as we use breasts for all the wrong purposes, everything except their natural function. It’s actually quite troubling how society is desensitized to this inconsistency and cries foul when breasts are used for their God-given purpose, as illustrated in the picture below.
So if we agree that
then it follows logically that every married woman should be lactating or actively trying to lactate, which is logically equivalent to saying that after a woman’s first pregnancy, it makes more biblical sense to continue to use her breasts to serve her nearest and dearest, namely her babies and husband, rather than the false productivity of having them serve as dry, self-image boosting tools or advertising props. While reading an apologetics book, I learned about intrinsic versus instrumental worth. Human beings have intrinsic worth because we were made in the image and likeness of God. A screwdriver, on the other hand, only has instrumental worth. A lady who uses her breasts to nurture while strengthening her bond with the object of her nurturing realizes her breasts’ intrinsic worth while one who uses them to get attention, increase her self-esteem, or manipulate male co-workers is deceived into viewing her breasts as instruments, as means to an end. Sadly, many ladies have believed the enemy’s lies. Thank God for His Truth that sets them free.
As mentioned elsewhere on this blog, roughly 90% of women on ANR dating sites are well-endowed. This strongly suggests that the more aware we are of our blessedness in any given area, the greater our craving to make use of those gifts with which we’ve been blessed. It’s simply how God has designed His creatures, to bring to Himself the maximum glory.
It is my belief that the longing to nurse her husband lies buried deep within every woman. Well-endowed women are leading the CN revolution because this yearning tends to be strongest in them.
I’ve come across a few ANR women who are birth doulas. ‘Doula’ happens to be the female form of the Greek term for slave discussed in the opening paragraph. This finding is extremely biblical, because the words doulos or doula appear throughout the original Greek New Testament. As John MacArthur reminds us in the aforementioned Slave, Christians by identity are slaves of Christ. We are also called to be servant-hearted towards our fellow human beings. I realized this ANR-doula discovery was no coincidence and was pleased with it, as I was to find out many women with ANR interests are involved in the nursing profession. It’s also no coincidence that these two biblical terms that seem suspiciously mistranslated are somehow connected.
There are several health reasons for engaging in an ANR. If female participants maintain their normal diet, they lose hundreds of calories daily. Since many women struggle with their weight and men burn calories faster, the idea is heaven-sent: transfer excess calories to your husband and he’ll burn them for you. To me, it appears to be a particularly efficient system, and there’s even more symbiosis occurring than that. God loves interdependence among believers.
Additionally, breastfeeding women have a lower risk of developing breast cancer, and ANRs mean women are more mindful of everything they ingest, as they’re eating for two. What unspeakable intimacy and consideration. Even a nonbeliever remarked “the bond is so deep, it’s spiritual.” There are monetary benefits as well, because an ANR couple can save up to $100 a month on food. I know that’s a very different way to look at it, but the savings really do add up.
There is a personal health benefit for me. Among many health-promoting ingredients, breast milk contains something that directly helps in my healing. What’s more interesting, the health problem I have makes it more difficult to prepare meals. 🙂
That I never heard of any couple who tried an ANR for a significant amount of time and had negative reviews, but have only witnessed the opposite, is evidence that there’s something uniquely special about this bond. It appears that for the most part, there’s only a one-way flow of traffic into the ANR lifestyle.
I have noticed the plethora of biblical qualities in ANR women: they tend to be traditional, very comfortable with their femininity, homemakers, very family-oriented, warm, dearly love their husbands and include them in everything, generous, humble, honest, simple, self-giving (not takers), down to earth, nurturers, comforters, caring, sweet, positive-minded, voluntarily submissive, sexual, bold, and the list goes on. In short, I’m convinced that godly women who love ABF are extraordinarily well-rounded and make the best wives, bar none. They exude much inner and outer beauty. They’re the truly beautiful women of old that our society wants us to forget.
Speaking of being comfortable with their femininity, I came across two ANR bloggers that although well-endowed, hate wearing bras and only wear them when in public. I pondered that for a little while and eventually came to the conclusion that it’s a praiseworthy lifestyle choice. I’ve also noticed that some ANR women include their men even in areas that most people deem off-limits to husbands, such as assisting with childbirth. These women realize that the majority of men aren’t jerks and reject our culture’s insistence that all men are insensitive perverts.
Simply knowing she’s providing her husband something good, knowing she has a man who looks forward to literally and figuratively drawing the sweetness out of her, boosts a woman’s self-image in a very meaningful, non-superficial way.
Also, ANR wives preach the gospel without words. Breastfeeding isn’t always smooth sailing, but as Christ “took one” for His spouse on the cross, they also make sacrifices for the good of their marriage.
God loves the unity that ensues from an ANR. Genesis 2:24 says the two become one flesh. One couple said their ANR makes them more in tune to each other’s needs. Each time a CN wife’s heart beats, it goes to work for her husband, as it pumps nutrients throughout her bloodstream, some of which eventually wind up in his.
ANR fans tend to be very passionate people who desire the deepest intimacy. I think these qualities point to God because He is the ultimate exemplar of passion and intimacy. He doesn’t mildly hate sin or slightly love His redeemed. A Christian husband and wife should similarly model this passion, and I believe the Bible teaches that Christian couples should be as intimate as humanly possible in every sense: spiritually, physically, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and in every other way because Ephesians 5 tells us this reflects the intimacy Christ has with the church, plus the perfect intimacy in the Trinity isn’t a bad thing to emulate. Dr. RC Sproul again comments on Ephesians 5:28-32: “A person’s union with his or her own body is intimate and permanent, and marriage creates a similar union (Gen. 2:24). Christ has joined the church to Himself through the bonds of the covenant He fulfilled, and this intimate union forms an analogy for Christian marriage.”
People just can’t seem to get over the hang up that breastfeeding is supposedly for babies alone. Babies are adorable, but bear with me for a second. Imagine for a moment that they don’t exist. Let’s further imagine that all women lactate all the time. In this scenario, we quickly see that ANRs would be inevitable, we also see that there’s nothing wrong with a man enjoying a sweet, nutritious fluid from his wife. Again, lactation can be induced, which means no pregnancy or babies necessary for milk to flow. Besides, real life ABF sessions are nothing like most people imagine them: a horny husband – who some picture wearing diapers – moving a hungry baby aside in order to help himself. In the majority of real ANRs, there’s no baby at all in the picture. No diapers either, just two married, consenting adults bonding on a level that can’t be matched by anything except the spiritual disciplines.
I’ll venture to say people who can’t leave babies out of the ABF picture are really the ones with difficulty suppressing intrusive thoughts. Those who insist on mentally inviting children into the ANR bedroom are the real pedophiles, they’re the ones with some psychological attachment issues, not us. Please forgive my bluntness but I also really think ANR bashers are being prudes. I don’t think milk from a breast has ever killed anyone, or caused any psychological damage.
Sexual attitudes change over time. I haven’t done my research but I’m quite sure there was a time in antiquity when kissing was seen as taboo and the mouth as being only meant for its basic functions such as talking and eating. More recently, as recently as the ’50s, oral sex was widely viewed as part of the domain of prostitutes, far beneath the moral standards of “righteous” folks. Times have really changed because it is now ubiquitous and is often referenced on TV shows and in song lyrics.
There is evidence ABF is gradually coming out of the margins of society. I think in fifty to a hundred years, it will be mainstream, like other formerly taboo forms of intimacy that are now commonly practiced.
It will finally be the norm again, as it most likely was in biblical times.
Although the Bible contains an abundance of references to breastfeeding, even multiple hints at Couples Nursing, to the best of my knowledge, Song 8:2 is the only explicit, incontrovertible, unassailable Scripture reference that encourages it. Proverbs 5, especially verse 19, and Song 7:8 are also extremely strongly suggestive. The marital stability, deeper bond, loving comfort, better sex and increased mutual empathy that ANR-practicing couples of all faiths often report provide extra-biblical evidence of the divine gift of Couples Nursing. Further, if we consider the whole counsel of God, His character, His perfectly harmonious triune intimacy, His just desire to be glorified, His command that His creation be productive, the great love He has for His children, how much He values loving-kindness and warmth among Christians, how much He values good sex among married Christians, and weigh all those in light of the positive reviews ANR-practicing couples always give their relationship, we see that an Adult Nursing Relationship is nothing if not biblical and Christ-honoring.
P.S.: This blog as a whole aims to defend ANRs from a biblical standpoint, although some posts such as the one you just read and others listed here have that exclusive goal. Throughout the blog are more biblically compelling reasons to engage in an Adult Nursing Relationship only within the bonds of marriage. I invite you to read all posts on Christ-centered ANR for more ANR evidence from Scripture.
A beloved Christian that God used in my salvation story often says something in the same vein as “being Christian doesn’t mean neglecting to apply practical wisdom that aligns with God’s Word.” In other words, we Christians must fight our tendency to over-spiritualize everything.
In our attempt to be spiritual, we sometimes lose our grounding in reality like the Gnostics did, and I’m no exception. Another quote I heard that illustrates this principle is “I’m a Christian, therefore I can go skydiving without a parachute”.
Fact: God has given us physical desires that can cause tension with our new nature in Christ. I struggled with this ANR dilemma for several years: discuss it with a woman who’s not my wife and risk falling into sexual sin. Don’t discuss it until after marriage and risk facing marital difficulties stemming from inadequate intimacy. Err on the side of caution vs. err on the side of marital satisfaction. Which am I to choose?
I recently spoke with my pastor (Pastor JH) about an unrelated topic that’s also had me confounded for some time. He said part of the struggle of living in this fallen world is that things aren’t always so cut and dry, we can’t simply point anywhere in Scripture and say “here’s the answer”, instead we have to wrestle with certain things for some time, learn from sins and mistakes and apply wisdom.
Most Christians agree on the importance of marrying someone who’s as close to our ideal mate as possible in terms of spirituality, compatibility, personality, character, physical appearance and so on, which makes perfect biblical sense, as this reduces the likelihood of infidelity. By the same token, if I were in a marriage that lacked an ANR, the knowledge that there are tens of thousands of Christian women out there willing to give me something my wife refuses would be a major burden and a huge opportunity for Satan.
So we see that being in a marriage in which my genuine needs aren’t met would also hurt my wife. (Is ANR a “genuine need”? In Biblical/authoritative ANR evidence, I present what I believe to be absolutely compelling biblical evidence for ANRs).
One of the followers of this blog told me she may have no choice but to give up on her search for an ANR-interested man, since Christians don’t talk about something this intimate, and widely seen as taboo. Her frustration demonstrates something: many Christians have desires that, while legitimate and biblical, are also sensual, erotic and rare. What should we do? Suppress them? I contend that doing so is somewhat like skydiving without a parachute. Essentially setting one’s marriage up for a thundering crash.
I tried to suppress my ANR desire for years but it kept rising to the surface every now and then, so I started researching. During my journey, the lack of quality Christian resources led to having an improper covenant with my eyes but I won’t be throwing the baby away with the bathwater, and I’m glad an ever-increasing number of Christians are realizing the bundle of joy an ANR truly is. My research has uncovered a gold mine. I’m an even bigger fan of ANRs and I also see God’s fingerprints all over them. (Again, I pray you’ll find that the biblical defense of ANRs post corroborates this).
Some Christians have a notion that sex must never be discussed, except by married couples, and only in private. I say that notion is flawed, even dangerous.
Knowing you have some uncommon desires but never informing a potential spouse, not even in carefully worded, non-arousing ways, instead choosing to “keep your fingers crossed” until wedding night is superstitious and shortsighted. It only demonstrates false love and false purity, my sincerest apologies to those who have already made that mistake. It won’t serve my newly wedded wife to surprise her with a decades-old yearning. Marriage is meant to be an irreversible covenant, and since one partner’s satisfaction is inextricably tied to the other’s, I want to take careful, calculated measures to ensure my wife and I are on the same page on almost everything, not least of which is something with the capability to set the tone of a marriage like an ANR. Not mentioning my ANR interests before she walks down the aisle is very much like not discussing children, yet secretly hoping she wants exactly the same number as me. Christianity is not wishful thinking. Faith without works is dead, James 2:14-26.
Many would agree that the fight to stay sexually pure is one of the most difficult things about the Christian life. We’re commanded to be spotlessly pure before marriage, but are given the freedom to have tons of sex afterwards. Once again, this leaves those of us with uncommon, ingrained desires in a quagmire. If ANRs were something guaranteed in marriage like sex, or as easy to discuss or popular as cuddling, this blog won’t exist and there would be one less tension point for me and several thousands of Christians worldwide.
But I know difficulty doesn’t necessitate absolute avoidance. In Middle Eastern countries, some young women become undercover lesbians because a primal desire is completely restricted by their religion. Regardless of belief system, we readily see that after a prolonged denial, something is bound to give.
Another example of my belief that some difficult things in the Christian life are necessary and some necessary things are difficult is my resume– it often impresses employers and lands me interviews in one or two job fields, occasionally leading to pride. To combat this, I see two options on the table: I can beg God for humility as I keep impressing employers, or I can rewrite my resume to make my accomplishments, gifts and talents seem average, in order to stay humble. Although there may be cases in which the latter is the more biblical choice, more often than not, an impressive resume belonging to a Christian brings God more glory than a mediocre one. To me, the choice is clear. Likewise, I choose to try securing an ANR with a prospective mate then beg God for purity before tying the knot. Discovering on our wedding night that my wife has no interest in an ANR is a bit like discovering both of your parachutes are malfunctioning immediately after you’ve taken the plunge. Except it’s less of an emergency.
“Is it that serious?”, I’ve been asked. “Why do you insist on having an ANR? Aren’t you idolizing it?” As mentioned earlier and elsewhere on this blog, I’ve desired this special bond as far back as I can remember and never saw anything wrong or taboo about it, so without it, I’m sure I’d feel something missing in my marriage and I’d experience the deprivation 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 warns against, because an ANR is a physical relationship like no other. It adds a thick layer of intimacy that can’t be replicated. In my opinion, it’s more intimate than sex, and God has given me the freedom to enjoy it in marriage, just like He’s implanted the same desire in some Christian women, so there’s nothing wrong with two Christians who share the same longing getting together and enjoying it only within the bounds of a strong Christian marriage. And God doesn’t torture His saints, so the same God Who instilled these non-sinful desires in us won’t turn around and forbid us from fulfilling them. See a more comprehensive list of reasons for desiring an ANR here. As far as idolizing it goes, yes, I sometimes struggle with this, like we all do with various desires, but I’m willing to enter an ANR-naive marriage if years of trying to secure a marital ANR prove unsuccessful. There’s more to life than an ANR. I’m a slave to Christ and His glorious gospel. Nothing else.
For much of the time I was suppressing my desire, I attended a moralistic and judgmental church. Partly because I’ve left that church, my eyes are now open to the fact that abandoning a beautiful, biblically legitimate desire because it can easily lead to lust is unreasonable and extreme. That’s not exactly what Christ meant in Matthew 5 when He commanded the severing of body parts that lead to temptation. The desire in itself isn’t sin.
Say there’s a Christian that craves a certain ice cream flavor, then gets in the car and drives to the store to buy it, there’s no inherent sin in their actions. If anything, it brings glory to God. Suppressing the craving due to fear of being a glutton is what’s unwise. Yes, I know ANRs and ice cream are two different things, one of those is intrinsically sexual and can easily lead to sin, but my point is that taking steps to secure something we want isn’t always sinful. On the contrary, it can be a noble thing. Again, faith without works is dead.
Bearing in mind that God’s Word almost certainly encourages ABF as an adultery prevention measure, and that sexual repression breeds sexual sin and severe idolatry, I’m finally at peace with this plan:
1. Only pursue the Christian woman who best fits the ANR profile.
2. Discuss my desire in the most cautious way I can manage, directing her only to the very few Christian ANR resources available.
3. Once we reach an agreement, we fight for purity prior to marriage, dependent not on ourselves but on Christ alone. This fight includes being accountable to multiple Christians and letting our initial conversation be the only time we broach the topic before getting married.
The aforementioned conversation with my pastor was regarding the only battle that’s on par with my ANR desire as the most difficult tightrope walk I’ve ever done since meeting Christ almost a decade ago. I thank God for providing some closure.
If a Christian faces a dilemma that primarily affects only him/her as an individual, I strongly believe it’s better to err on the side of caution. If the dilemma has the power to affect the Christian’s marriage like an ANR can, it might be better to err on the side of caution and marital satisfaction. The mistake I and many Christians make is we think it’s one or the other. When considering marriage, God wants us to pursue both caution and mutual marital satisfaction. Which is why I choose to tell potential future wives– cautiously.
I don’t want to take a blind leap of faith into marriage.
Considering how few Christian ANR resources are out there, I am extending a warm invitation to guest bloggers. Although there are hundreds of web-savvy Christians with an interest in ANRs, I honestly know fewer than five internet resources that are exclusively Christian, exclusively ANR, so it would be a privilege to have you contribute.
Let’s put godly ANRs on the map so our brothers and sisters in Christ won’t feel alone in this struggle. Please leave a comment or reach me at email@example.com. Thanks, I look forward to teaming up with you for the glory of Christ.
Greetings, everyone. Welcome to a new member of a growing number of blogs dedicated to Adult Nursing Relationships and Adult Breastfeeding (ANR and ABF). I’m creating this blog for two reasons: to show that when done in the only permissible context, marriage, this loving act only strengthens a bond and points to an amazingly wise and compassionate God, and secondly, to meet a special Christian lady that’s just as passionate about it.
Please connect with me at firstname.lastname@example.org.