From the interactive Bible at http://www.bible.ca/f-10com-husb.htm
INTRO:
The Bible is God’s “instruction manual” for happy human living. There is no other book on earth that will bring about inner peace and eternal life. One thing that most men have in common is that they are married.
Unfortunately, because we live in an [ungodly] society, most who enter into marriage have little training. Isn’t it bizarre that a doctor trains for 7 years, a teacher 4 but there is virtually no training for becoming a husband. You can’t take a course in university that certifies you as a husband…the closest you can come is a “bachelors” degree.
Here are 10 principles for husbands that are found within the Bible.
COMMANDMENT #1:
Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7)
Husband, are you treating your wife as an equal and granting her your highest honor? If not God says he will not answer your prayers!
Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her.
Dysfunctional Headship: The world’s way, followed by Proper Headship: God’s way in italics
Gives orders without asking or permitting questions, thinks wife not as smart
Asks questions, seeks to truly hear, suggests alternatives, desires imput-learns from others
Makes demands, dishes out directives, lays down the law, cracks the whip-but doesn’t delegate
Deligates authority & responsability; Respects freedom & dignity of others, keeps reigns loose
Insecure in personal identity and authority and is therefore defensive if challenged
Secure in self-identity, understands his authority, views challenging as positive
Requires compliance regardless of consent or agreement
Values willing cooperation, works for open agreement and understanding
Pushes and manipulates, one man rules in a ridged over-under position
Leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships in side-by-side identification
Says, “You do, you must do”, or “Yours is not to wonder why, yours is but to do or die”!
Says, “Come, let’s do, we might have done, can we try”
Depends on external authority to motivate others
Depends on internal integrity to motivate others
Generates friction, resistance, resentment, separates and isolates people
Generates acceptance, co-operation, reconciliation, unites and helps persons relate to each other
Leads by command and threat
Leads by example, understanding and kindness
Asks others to do things he would not
Asks others to do only those things he has already done (like Jesus)
COMMANDMENT #2:
Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24)
How often does the husband honor his blood family over his own wife?
Such is a recipe for disaster!
In-law problems are often the result of a husband who allows his mother and father to interfere in his relationship with his wife.
COMMANDMENT #3:
Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11)
Selfishness is a marriage killer. For many men they think they are better than their wife simply because they are men. These men have made a serious judgment error. Husbands, tell your wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do! The Proverbs writer said, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Prov 31:10-11 Notice how the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her.
God gave women the authority to make important decisions too:
They are workers in and managers of the home:
1 Ti 5:14: (Greek: oijkodespotevw “to rule/manage the house”)
Tit 2:5 (Greek: oikodespotes literally, “house ruler”)
A wife’s judgment can be better than her husbands: Nabal & Abigail: 1 Sam 25:3,17,25,32
Sleepless in Seattle (movie) Radio commentator asks man who was missing his dead wife, “Tell me about your wife”. “How many hours do you have?” Immediately 3000 single women jammed the radio station switchboard trying to get his number for a date! Why Because he was sincerely praising his wife! Why did they want to date a complete stranger? Because the one thing they knew was that this man possessed the rare quality of praising his female companion. If he did it for his former wife…he would do it for them!
Judith Viorst: “Brevity may be the soul of wit, but not when someone’s saying “I love you.,’ When someone’s saying “I love you,” he always ought to give a lot of details: Why does he love you? How much does he love you? When and where did he first begin to love you? Favourable comparisons with all other women he ever loved are also welcome. And even though he insists it would take forever to count the ways in which he loves you, let him start counting.” Redbook
COMMANDMENT #4:
Thou shalt hold thy wife’s love by the same means that thou won it. (SOS 5:10-16)
Men persue their future bride with doting ceaseless attention. Once married the husband views marriage as a goal accomplished an on to other of life’s challenges. He then gives his ceaseless doting attention to the job, the boys or anything but his wife. She on the other hand viewed marriage not as a goal met, but as the beginning of a relationship. She viewed his doting attention as a down payment of attentions to come. He viewed it as a means to merely get her to say “I DO”.
This guy really WON the love of his future wife. He looked good because he groomed his appearance for her. He smelled good, because he regularly bathed and gargled. And he spoke words of “sweetness” to his love. But give many husbands a few years of marriage and they let their appearance and hygiene slip. But worst of all the sweetness towards their wife is gone. The wife proclaims to her friends, “Did he ever change after we said ‘I do’!” Guys, if you want the nights to be hot, you best start warming up your wife in the day with words of kindness.
Buy your wife flowers on a regular basis.
COMMANDMENT #5:
Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wife’s help. (2 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
Few would argue that the wife is the primary parent involved in the daily task of interacting with the children. But God has placed the father as the head of the household and that means that you must work hard along side of your wife in establishing family discipline. Many fathers leave the majority of the work of raising the kids up to the wife. In child custody cases, the mother almost always get control of the kids, not because she is a better parent, but because she is the one who has been most involved with them. God commands fathers in Ephesians 6:4 “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” You must be directly involved with your children. And then be careful not to “provoke” them to anger, because you have not really taken the time to understand exactly what happened and why. Some fathers alienate their children because they hastily dish out too harsh a punishment because they want to get back to their TV show or reading the paper. To these husbands, children are an interruption imposed upon him by the wife. Sad indeed.
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22:6
POEM: “PLEASE, DADDY, WON’T YOU GO?”
A little girl’s bright shining eyes with face aglow,
Says: “Daddy, It’s time for church-Let’s Go!
They teach us there of Jesus’ love, of how he died for all,
Upon the cruel cross to save those who on Him will call.”
“Oh, no,” said Daddy, “Not today. I’ve worked hard all week,
And I must have one day of rest; and I’m going to the creek.
For there I can relax and rest; and fishing is fine they say.
So run along; don’t bother me, we’ll go to church some day.”
Well months and years have passed away,
but Daddy hears that plea no more;
“Let’s go to Bible school.” Those childhood days are over.
And Daddy’s grown old, life’s almost through,
He finds time to go to church, but what does daughter do?
She says: “Oh Daddy, not today-I stayed up half the night;
I know you know that church can wait…you understand my plight!
Then Daddy lifts a trembling hand to brush away the tears,
As again he hears the pleading voice, distinctly through the years.
He sees a small girl’s shining face upturned, with eyes aglow,
As she says, “It’s time for Bible school; please,
Daddy, won’t you go?”
(Author Unknown)
COMMANDMENT #6:
Thou shalt remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37)
Jesus instructs all Christians, “let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’ and anything beyond these is of evil.” Mt 5:37. Husbands, when you say you will do something for your wife, have the consideration to do it! Why should she justifiably nag you?
Your wife shouldn’t have to get you to sign some binding oath to get you to make the bed, take out the garbage or take her out to dinner as you agreed. By doing what you say you will, you earn her trust in other areas.
Ever wonder why your wife reacts is a funny way?
Wife’s Reaction
Husband’s Action
When the wife feels insecure.
The husband is not being a spiritual leader.
When the wife takes matters into her own hands and assumes the leadership role.
The husband has allowed problems to continue and even get worse.
When the children rebel, the wife blames her husband.
The husband has not supported his wife in disciplining the children.
When the wife becomes resentful of financial pressures.
The husband has been spending extra money on things he enjoys.
When the wife feels inferior and jealous.
The husband praises or admires other women.
When the wife feels unable to totally give herself (body, soul and spirit) to her husband.
The husband only verbalizes his love when he wants a physical relationship.
When the wife feels frustration from not knowing how to please her husband.
The husband doesn’t praise her for specific things.
When the wife turns to others who will listen to her true feelings.
The husband doesn’t make the time to listen to his wife.
When the wife feels unprotected.
The husband has not been alert to the dangers which his wife faces.
When the wife feels inadequate in trying to meet her husband’s physical needs.
The husband has been lusting after other women.
When a wife mentally gives up and loses all hope
The husband is prideful, never in the wrong, loses his temper to stay in control and never asks for forgiveness.
COMMANDMENT #7:
Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8)
The Proverbs writer says it this way, “Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well… Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.” Prov 5:15-20
The ultimate sacrifice that a woman makes in child bearing is her figure. And the media is filled with 17 year old models who are not yet graduated high school and never done a hard days work in their life!
Job was wise when he said, “I Have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?”
Job 31:1 But we find that for many, the words of Jeremiah apply, “They were well-fed lusty horses, Each one neighing after his neighbor’s wife.” Jer 5:8
COMMANDMENT #8:
Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wife’s point of view. (Gen 21:12)
Abraham is a man whose wife actually called him “lord”. Sarah had an insight on a personal family matter and Abraham felt that she was wrong. “But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her” Gen 21:12. Did you catch that? God told Abraham to obey his wife! He had not taken the time to see things from her point of view. Husbands and wives often live and think in different worlds. A wise husband will “listen” to his wife before God steps in and forces him to. Foolish husbands are arrogant “power-trippers” who know it all, refuse to listen to their wife and fall flat on their face.
“Live with her in an understanding way since she is a woman” 1 Pe 3:7
COMMANDMENT #9:
Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (SOS 8:1)
Do you know why the “kiss and ride” commuter drop off area’s are so popular? Just ask the wives who drop off their husbands for work. A recent TV program documented that the wives loved it. Here they had a “legitimate” reason to expect a kiss from their husband. Husband, when you leave the house for work, give her a kiss. When you come home, tell her you love her and give her another kiss.
Here, in the Song of Solomon, a future wife speaks of her love and desire for a kiss. “If I found you outdoors, I would kiss you; No one would despise me, either.” Sos 8:1
COMMANDMENT #10:
Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money. (Esther 5:3)
King Ahasuerus was married to Queen Esther. Look how generous he was with his wife! He said to her, “What is troubling you, Queen Esther? And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom it will be given to you.” Esther 5:3
Now in modern marriage law, many might wonder why this man is being praised for giving his wife the half that already belonged to her. However, back then this was an incredible offer of generosity! How many wives have to grovel and beg for a few dollars while he lavishly spends on himself.
Go to Ten commandments for wives.
