“When their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith.”
– 1 Timothy 5:11-12
“When their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith.”
– 1 Timothy 5:11-12
God is gracious, God is kind. God wants us to have an amazing time in the bedroom after exchanging vows.
I look forward to getting married and having the best time imaginable being refreshed by a pair of natural water fountains. But I sometimes enjoy this prematurely, in thought and “research”.
Wanting an ANR in marriage is not a problem. Fantasizing about it before marriage to the point of lust is what God dislikes and will discipline. Foolishly, I sometimes find myself rationalizing my premature longings with some verses that exhort me to enjoy it only after getting married, much like the famous pastor who said it’s okay to masturbate as long as you’re thinking of your future spouse.
Granted, this situation is pretty tough, as I sometimes have genuine, nonsinful questions and curiosities, but the lack of clean material on Couples Nursing means exposing oneself to potentially compromising sites. Then there are other times when my questions and curiosities aren’t thoroughly critiqued biblically and, left unchecked, lead to online “research” that’s unhealthy and unnecessary. If we’re not very discerning, we won’t realize when we’ve crossed the line from Christ-centered ANR to ANR-centered Christianity.
There’s a particular time of day when loneliness and lust tend to be more pronounced.
From now on it’s exactly then I’ll remind myself of the Son who gave Himself up for me. Love for and close intimacy with Christ prove extremely helpful in battling temptation.
Just thinking back, I’ve gone through months, even years without ANR lust, so I have no excuse.
I resolve to strive to think of CN less graphically and more like Christ would have me. There have been times when all other desires, even CN, look like rubbish next to Jesus Christ and His amazing love for me demonstrated at Calvary. That’s the good news and that’s my eternal hope.
Average worldwide life expectancy for women: about 73 years.1
Average age a young woman reaches full sexual maturity: about 152, with marriage typically occurring in her twenties or thirties.
So approximately 60% of the lifespan of any pair of non-Couples Nursing breasts that belong to a married woman is a lonely existence.
For ladies who are part of that majority, if your breasts could talk, you might be surprised to hear what they have to say. ‘Tis indeed unfortunate when someone or something doesn’t live up to their potential. “What a waste,” said one ANR-loving woman.
As a matter of fact, your breasts do talk. Romans 8 and Genesis 3 tell us that after the Fall, God subjected all creation to futility, and now, everything created deeply yearns to be redeemed. In Matthew 3:9 and Luke 3:8, John the Baptist reminds presumptuous Jews that “God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham.”
In Luke 19:40, Jesus responds to the Pharisees “I tell you, if these [disciples of mine] were silent, the very stones would cry out.” All creation is dying to audibly declare God’s glory. God muffles this sound because He prefers human agents. He quite literally has His hands covering created things’ mouths because He loves sinners like you and me so much.
For those with ears trained in the things of God, everything around us is talking. Scratch that. Screaming God’s glory. And you can help amplify this non-verbal communication by using your breasts for their God-designed purpose: “Think about the excitement when you start to produce milk. Your breasts will become healthier, larger, fuller, and more beautiful. You feel a pervasive warm glow from your breasts. They make you feel so good, you ache to [use them]. You yearn to have … your soothing rich essence drawn out from [you] into [him]. Watching him feed from you makes you feel incredible. The feeling can be so intense it can be indescribable. You feel a connection deep down to the core of your being, a connection that is so beautiful and natural.”
– A Couples Nursing lady
1. Global Burden of Disease Study 2010
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. (Proverbs 1:7 ESV)
There is an old expression. Maybe you’ve heard it. Maybe you haven’t. It isn’t used much anymore. But it needs to be used more. The saying is “putting the cart before the horse.” This little gem of wisdom is all about the the natural order of things.
There is a question that is commonly asked more than any other. When and how do I bring up the subject? Do I join a dating site and create an ad? Do I just start a relationship? Do I marry this person in hopes that he/she may be interested?
There is no set answer. No exact time frames to follow. There are no easy answers in life. There are no magic bullets. Every situation is as unique as the individuals involved. What works for one person may not work for another.
Two common mistakes people make when approaching this subject are as follows.
1.) Seeking the ANR before the actual relationship.
2.) Bringing it up way too early. An example would be during the early dating phase.
The first one is easy to address. And all it really takes is self-control. Don’t mention that you want an ANR. Especially on dating sites. ANR is still shrouded in taboo. If you mention it in your profile you are asking for trouble. Women will pass men over thinking they are freaks. And women will get offers from tons of men only interested in their breasts.
Seek the relationship first. Get to know the person. Learn about them. Start building a bond. If you have a healthy relationship the subject of ANR will probably come up. You must go through the process first. ANR requires a strong partnership to work. This is the time to build that partnership.
The second one is much harder to address. But if you are in tune with each other already you will be able to recognize signs of interest. The best way is too ask questions. Let the relationship progress. Ask questions based on this progress.
Bringing it up on the first, second, or third date is not generally a good idea. Remember, ANR is still considered “taboo” and he/she may look at you weird or start running for the door.
If you are bringing it up at the same time in every relationship, and are still getting rejected. Change your approach. Doing the same thing every time expecting different results is called insanity.
I know you are craving the intimacy that ANR offers. But don’t let that desire overrule your good sense. Constant rejection is hard to deal with. And if your are not careful resentment will set in.
Put your relationship before the ANR. If you put your ANR before your relationship you won’t have one. If you put your relationship before your ANR you will have one. Use wisdom and understanding. And be careful to not “put the cart before the horse.”
There’s this very useful Christian website based in Colorado. Affiliated with a well-known conservative organization that promotes family values, the site provides many helpful resources to single Christians and young adults and I generally enjoy their gospel-centered articles but one day, I came across an unhelpful, unforgettable statement that I must call out.
If you’re a single man who one day stumbles by viewing porn, wait one year before actively dating a sister in Christ, the statement essentially read. The author acknowledged how harsh that sounded, but maintained that with such filth still close to the surface, men have no business pursuing God’s daughters.
To be fair, the author also stated that the habit of viewing porn is a terrible one to bring into a marriage, and I agree. My main problem with his article is his failure to differentiate between the habitual viewer and the occasional stumbler. He simply tossed everyone in the same boat. One year fits all.
This makes him come across as a legalist, as I explain below, despite his good faith attempt to protect our sisters. Like millions of Christians, purity seems to be a stumbling block for the author.
I know it’s possible to give up a porn habit but still struggle to forget, even after several years, because, let’s face it, regular porn consumers never completely rid their minds of pornographic images, regardless of the passage of a year or ten. Does that mean they’re never to seek marriage? A lifetime of singleness for folks who just can’t get those decades-old images out of their heads? As we can see, it’s not about time since last viewing. God sees things in terms of heartfelt repentance (Acts 2:37), not in terms of time frames. He doesn’t keep a record of when we last wronged Him, and I sure am glad for that.
It’s your attitude towards porn and how far you’re willing to go to guard your heart that counts, not how recently you viewed it.
At amusement parks, we often run into signs that say “you must be ‘this’ tall to get on this ride”. These signs remind me of the mindset too many Christians have. I’ve come across far too many Christians who say ‘before considering marriage, you must be “this” sanctified’, subjectively setting some level of sanctification as a yardstick. For a few extremists, that level is nothing short of perfection.
Let me state one thing clearly: God only has one indisputable marital prerequisite, and that’s saving faith in His Son, not some human-defined sanctification benchmark, or the abstention from some particular sins for some human-determined period. The ability to care for your would-be spouse is also important, but anyone with genuine faith in Christ would naturally want to care for their future spouse.
Another reason I find the advice legalistic and troubling is the fact that according to the author’s logic, every married man who gives in to pornographic temptation must separate from his wife for a year each time it occurs, or, unlikely but possible, that the God-fearing single man who despite his best efforts, keeps slipping into porn once every eleven months and twenty nine days must stay single for life, as he’s locked into a vicious circle.
Moreover, insisting on time frames and human-defined levels of righteousness before marriage is exactly the kind of works-based righteousness against which God warned us through the letters of the apostle Paul. The only biblical pattern I’m aware of that mandates physical separation during a period of cleansing is tied to Mosaic Law, which no longer applies to believers.
If a single man is struggling with porn, this shows that there’s a beautiful, God-given desire that he’s trying to fulfill in the wrong ways. Having him wait twelve months is probably counterproductive. I have a different, multi-layer proposal: finding several accountability partners, using internet monitoring software, taking his sexual desires to God in prayer, and perhaps his body is signaling time to begin begging God for a wife.
It’s your heart attitude that matters, not time frames. I know abstaining from all things remotely sexual, including marriage and the opposite sex, has only caused problems for me.
This is perhaps my co-laborer Ray Stone’s biggest problem with the Church today, and also one of mine.
We’re so dogmatic and unforgiving that we conjure up unreasonable rules like the Pharisees did (see Matthew 23:4).
Unlike Pharisees, God has a dichotomous view of morality. By His standards, no one is worthy of marriage, since we all fall into sexual sin each and every day (Matthew 5:28, Mark 7:20-23). Thanks be to God for Jesus Christ, through Whom we have already been perfected without having to wait 12 months. Our positional sanctification is already complete in the present, and that goes even for the worst porn fanatic who now places his trust in Jesus.
Christians are so steeped in unbiblical, moralistic traditions that they are unable and unwilling to dig up the real truth and appreciate that which God endorses and declares beautiful e.g. Couples Nursing, thus the Christian taboo surrounding anything sexual is perpetuated.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
The recent Ashley Madison leak has revealed some telling data. 99.95% of the site’s users are male. How does this compare to other matchmaking sites? On those tailored towards mainstream sexual activity, about 75 to 80% of users are male. In comparison, only 68% of heterosexual accounts on ANRSpace belong to men, but I strongly believe the actual ratio of people desiring an ANR is even more balanced between the sexes.
Here’s why I hold that view: despite only 0.05% of Ashley Madison customers being female, I learned that 41% of marital infidelity is perpetrated by women. So the real issue isn’t a paucity of women who cheat or want an ANR, it’s twofold: 1. Women are more secretive, so when desirous of anything sexual or extramarital, they generally won’t resort to the World Wide Web to find an outlet, and 2. Women have a much easier time finding sexual partners.
The main reason I strongly suspect a 50-50 ratio for Adult Nursing Relationships is their unique nature.
Many ANR women have much girl next door charm. Some are even involved in church.
Ladies don’t view Couples Nursing as an exclusively sexual activity. To them, it’s a beautiful, loving, bonding act. On ANR blogs and dating sites, most mention the intimacy it creates before the sexual aspect.
God has designed women to be very society-friendly. A good litmus test of the social conduciveness of anything is to examine its male-female ratio. The more equal, the better.
It’s worth noting that the more lewd ANR dating sites have significantly fewer female users than ANRSpace, so if the clean, gospel-centered ANR dating site I envision were to come to fruition, I bet its male-female ratio would be an even 50-50.
There’s absolutely no activity I think men and women could agree on more than ABF. Women realize that it elevates intimacy to never-before-seen heights, and that’s what primarily draws them to it. The inherent sexual pleasure plays an important but slightly less significant role. For men, it’s both the extreme intimacy and a sexual attraction to breasts. Men approach ABF from a sexual and relational standpoint, women from a nurturing/bonding, before sexual one, so they essentially meet halfway. Husband Nursing lies at the confluence of our God-given, sex-specific hard wiring.
CN creates a win-win situation for both spouses. That’s why a healthy amount of it is only beneficial, never detrimental to marriage, also why every couple that partakes in it loves it and why a significantly higher proportion of women are interested, compared to other activities that are reserved for the bedroom. Indeed, of the dozens of ANR blogs out there, mine is the only one I know that is owned by a man.
One of the ladies who said no to an ANR had professed to having a high sex drive. She told me she found it interesting and peculiar that I insist on any one particular sex act in marriage. However, if one reads all the posts on this blog thoroughly and with an open mind, it quickly becomes obvious that an ANR is no mere sex act. It’s a way of life. It’s a spiritual mindset that elevates couples to unimaginable heights of intimacy, and is 100% biblical.
The mission and premise behind sites like Ashley Madison is antithetical to those of Christian ANR sites. Some sites are out to destroy the institution of marriage, others aim to strengthen it to the glory of Christ.
Therefore, ANRs have a lot more female fans than Ashley Madison.
November 2015 update: among search phrases leading to this blog are “how to start ANR with husband” and “how to convince husband about ANR”. I’m yet to see a single one about convincing wives about ANRs. This reinforces the belief that women are equally interested in ANRs, they’re just less likely to advertise their desires on dating sites or anywhere online for that matter.
December 30, 2016 update: today marks the first day I’ve officially seen a search query leading to this blog that’s about starting an ANR with one’s wife – over a year after noticing a pattern of women researching how to start ANRs with their husbands, although earlier this year, there were two queries for “husband wants anr” that went unnoticed.