Monthly ANRSpace member tally

To show that ANRs are becoming more popular, here’s an up to date record of the number of profiles on ANRSpace: 5,824 members.
A month ago, there were 5,771 members, a 0.9% month-over-month increase or 1.8 new members daily.


 

Caution: of all ANR dating sites, ANRSpace comes closest to receiving an endorsement from Christ-centered ANR. We applaud their policy of not allowing any cleavage but wish they would do more to ensure sexual purity. PLEASE exercise extreme caution if you plan to visit ANRSpace. This goes especially to gentlemen. An example of such a drastic precautionary measure would be using Google Chrome to block all images on the site. I believe Opera also allows this.

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Christian women were happier in the ’50s

housewifecooking.jpg

Nowadays, everyone seems to get on their soapbox to yell things like self-assertion, corporate career ladder success and female-led families, but God says the most empowering things women should take pride in are those that are uniquely feminine and beautiful in His eyes. These include homemaking, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, nurturing and voluntary submission to husbands. These spell femininity at its finest.

The only female judge of Israel, Deborah calls herself “a mother in Israel” (Judges 5:7). If we read the Bible thoroughly, we see that’s the kind of leadership role God wants for women. Divine femininity looks like nurturing and serving behind the scenes.

Here’s an excerpt from an email I received from a female reader and fellow ANR fan:
“I am middle aged with four children, am sadly divorced. We didn’t share a faith.
Also, and here is honesty, it was a power struggle, I had been brought up to be equal to men by being the same as men. This is, of course, a ghastly misinterpretation on equality, however it was, and mainly still is, the bedrock on which women gained equality. Rather than the really glorious equality in our differences!

In the last decade I have been graced in having my eyes open to see there is only room for one head of the household and that had to be ‘himself’. And the greatest gift I receive in honouring this is so many opportunities to learn humility in obedience.”

Godly women with godly husbands back in the ’50s were happier than any other subset of the female population since then.

Some ANR women have noted how they feel very feminine during ANR sessions. This is what femininity looks like, it doesn’t look like women wanting to be men.
True happiness comes when you’re at peace with God’s grand design, with his gender roles.

Traditional - happy housewife serving dinner

In the ’50s, I believe women validated themselves by how they made good housewives, now it’s how sexy their bodies are, who they’re sleeping with/getting attention from, or their career achievements. Today’s woman may think she’s happier since she’s come a long way from those “ancient, repressive ’50s” but soul-deep happiness belongs to the woman who doesn’t feel she has a point to prove or an opposite sex to compete with. Joy belongs to those who know the sexes were created to complement, not compete against each other.

I recently passed by a high school football practice and dinner event. One mother made three huge trays of baked ziti and one tray of salad, she also bought a bag of rolls, lots of cookies and bottled water for the players and coaches. Again, this is what femininity looks like.

Women aren’t second class citizens. God has a role for women that is completely opposite of what feminists would like girls to believe. Serving behind the scenes doesn’t mean you’re worth less. Just like being a spiritual or household leader doesn’t give you any more worth than those you lead because leading doesn’t mean lording it over others (Matthew 20:25-28). Being a leader isn’t all about authority, privileges or glamour and by definition, not everyone will get to lead, contrary to what the media and today’s top prosperity preachers espouse. If we all lead, who’ll be left to follow?

I would vote for a female president, as women aren’t biblically prohibited from holding political leadership positions. I only have a problem with women who want to wear male pants, and this has been going on since the Fall.

Because most people don’t have any regard for God, don’t read the Bible and want to redefine everything, like His beautifully defined gender roles, Couples Nursing is as weird to the modern Westerner as biblical gender roles are.

But those who know better have more soul-deep happiness.

About.com: ‘Reasons To Breastfeed Your Husband…’

Breastfeeding.about.com’s Reasons To Breastfeed Your Husband [and no other adults].

It’s interesting how the author of this article, Donna Murray, bears some striking similarities to some ANR women I profiled. As one can read in her short bio, she’s a well-credentialed nurse who realizes that breastfeeding creates an indescribable bond between two people. Of the hundreds of women I profiled, there are two in particular that stand out (one of them is Jeanne), and I’m sure they would both get along with Donna Murray.

Virtuous and vicious circles of ANRs

Good begets good, bad begets bad.


So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags.

For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.
Matthew 25:28-29

He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 
John 15:2

You probably figured both authors regularly communicate via email. We’ve recently discovered that we both grew up around mothers who nursed their babies, thus imagined Couples Nursing being the norm in all marriages.

For the vast majority of people during whose upbringing breastfeeding was seen as something shameful, the shame follows them and they never get to experience the beauty of Husband Nursing. A woman on a forum asserted “my decision to breastfeed [my child] was a private and personal one”, as if breastfeeding is some sort of embarrassing, incapacitating, life-changing surgical procedure.

Our childhood really does set the tone for our adult lives. Our upbringing can set off a long-lasting chain reaction.

Makes me think, had I not been privileged to grow up around mothers who joyfully breastfed, would I be blessed with the desire for an ANR, one of God’s greatest gifts? I could definitely see the curiosity developing eventually, but it probably won’t be ripe for an ANR blog in 2015.

You can break the cycle, however. Change your perception of breastfeeding, start seeing it as the beauty it truly is. Equally important, don’t be ashamed to breastfeed in front of your children. That single decision can hugely impact your grown-up child’s marriage. And he/she just might create a blog that’s a blessing to thousands of like-minded Christians around the world. Who in turn pay it forward.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Monthly ANRSpace member tally

To show that ANRs are becoming more popular, here’s an up to date record of the number of profiles on ANRSpace: 5,771 members.


 

Caution: of all ANR dating sites, ANRSpace comes closest to receiving an endorsement from Christ-centered ANR. We applaud their policy of not allowing any cleavage but wish they would do more to ensure sexual purity. PLEASE exercise extreme caution if you plan to visit ANRSpace. This goes especially to gentlemen. An example of such a precautionary measure would be using Google Chrome to block all images on the site. I believe Opera also allows this.

Useful ANR fact number 2

japan-mt-fujiAsia is by far the continent that can claim the most Adult Nursing Relationships. This isn’t only because of its large population. It’s primarily because Asians are more ANR-friendly than the rest of the world’s people.

I’ve heard of ANRs happening in virtually all nooks and crannies of the continent.

A large number of Japanese men see nothing wrong with an ANR. The nation has adult-only bars where men pay to be nursed. It’s also one of the ten most peaceful countries on earth. (I think the two facts aren’t necessarily related, lol). I’d move there if not for the distance and lack of diversity, notably the sparsity of Christians, in addition to the great cultural differences and the unfortunate fact many Japanese men see it as a fetish, so I’m sure this would affect Japanese women’s views of ANR. In China, wealthy men made headlines recently for paying poor mothers for their milk, sometimes straight from the source, Indians google the terms “my husband wants me to breastfeed him” more than any other nationality, and the couple I lived with that practiced CN are Vietnamese. Many southwest Asians are also fond of this lifestyle, as it’s supposedly prescribed by the Quran.

There’s a theme park in Singapore that has a diorama of an elderly person being nursed, and in Mongolia, lactating mothers often leave some milk in the fridge for family members of any age. In addition, I know of Sri Lankans, Qataris, an Iranian and other Middle Easterners who find ANRs very appealing.

Sure, being Asian may increase the likelihood of wanting an ANR but it’s important to note that not only Asians and not all Asians are interested in this kind of intimacy, just like not all and not only well-endowed women want it.

Sadly, Asia is also the least evangelized continent. If I had more Asian connections and felt more at home with the culture, that’s probably where I would be now.

Remark: while browsing through English-language ANR sites, the Asian presence I’ve found has been comprised almost entirely of South Asian men, though I know other Asian demographics are interested. That their interest doesn’t translate to these sites is a phenomenon I attribute to cultural differences, language barriers and government restrictions. I’ve read in a blog about a Japanese woman who sought and engaged in nursing with a Western man, so I know it’s not all one-sided.

PS: one can gain these insights without viewing porn. Magazine articles, and other online sources, especially what our media labels “weird news”, are great sources.

 

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Self-sabotage

Knowing the right thing to do and not doing it is like grabbing a sharp object and cutting yourself.
-unnamed loved one

That can be backed up biblically: “whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin” (James 4:17).

The loved one’s quote can be stated as: not realizing the benefits of something thus not doing it is equivalent to not realizing you’re undermining yourself.

Ignorance is not bliss.

Do Her Shoes Fit?

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

Wayne W. Dyer

I have been a contributor to a lot of anr blogs, groups, and forums throughout the years. Some have been good some have been useless, but one common message is present on everyone. If a woman refuses to give into a man’s nursing desires the conclusion drawn is that she is automatically being selfish. The same also works when a woman shares her desires with her man only to be rejected by him. Is he automatically being selfish too? This question deserves an answer, but the answer is often surprising because it goes against “conventional” wisdom.

Couples nursing is a subject met with a lot mixed feelings shared by many different people. Some absolutely adore the idea, some would rather get a root canal, but the couples who try it often find they cannot live without it. Some people refuse to even give it a try and that is a shame. A reason for this has to do with the above quote which is about perception. It all deals with how we perceive things to be, the Bible even talks about perception which I will cover later.

Put yourself in a woman’s shoes for a moment. How do they fit? Our first reaction, guys, when rejected is to go on the defensive and blame the woman. I mean she has the breasts, right? That means she has the final say in the matter, right? Is she automatically being selfish or is it something else altogether? Let’s examine a few things first before we jump to conclusions. Automatically jumping to conclusions without looking at the whole picture is foolish.

Perception is everything in life. One person sees a glass half full and another person sees it half empty. Three people could witness a car accident and see it three different ways. But you take all three stories and you get a much bigger picture than if you just took one of them.Perception is all about someone looking at something or someone and interpreting what they see for themselves. Perception becomes reality for most people who witness, on a consistent basis, what goes on and what is said in the world today.

Many perceptions about nursing proliferate in our culture, like dandelion seeds to the wind, unfortunately some of those seeds sprout negative flowers. Walking through the field of perceptions and separating fact from fiction can be a daunting task. One perception about nursing is that a mother and her child are the only ones that should experience it. This does seem valid because a woman will start lactating after the birth of her child, and the “milk making” process does get started during pregnancy. After all, why would a grown man need milk? So, on the surface this perception does make sense.

So, when you bring up couples nursing to your spouse, she’s been so conditioned to think only of “baby nursing”, she’s probably going to think you have a baby fetish. She is thinking that you want to go out and buy adult diapers and a pacifier next. Tragically, most women go to the grave never knowing that they can produce milk without a pregnancy, most doctors don’t even know a woman can induce lactation.

Some men may know about a woman’s physical capabilities, but that’s how women perceive the idea because they have been conditioned to think that way. She fears that this is some sort of fetish and that she will become his “mother” and she thinks this is what he wants her to be. You may try to persuade her otherwise, but nothing you say or do will ever move her position on this issue once her mind is made up.

A woman having these perceptions will think a man is being a pervert if he requests something like this. Thoughts will run through her head trying to rationalize this request. He was never interested when I nursed the children? He never wanted to be close to me before? I always thought the football games were what he liked more? Why all of the sudden the change? Is he hiding something from me? He must be missing his mother.

Men have also been conditioned to think similarly. Men fear that she will become a “mother” to him as well. Considering that the average man relegates his wife nursing him to the “unmanly” category. Adding to the fact that most men have no interest in pregnancy and/or childbirth and childrearing. Most men tend freak out when they find out that a woman has lactating breasts which doesn’t help their case either. Women take all these things in and it becomes part of their reality. Most men have conditioned women believe that they want no part of this. The average man fails to understand this concept and accuses her of being selfish when she refuses to give into his demands.

Men who desire couples nursing need to find ways to make a woman WANT to do it. Treat her with respect and love all the time and be consistent about it. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to her when you’re alone together, you can be masculine and tender at the same time. Hold her and make eye contact with her. In short, be a strong but also gentle with her. Even during the dating phase you need to be TENDER with her. Tenderness is what women desire most, they are nurturers by nature and their goal is your happiness and comfort.

A girl who is going through puberty needs to know that she can make milk without being pregnant first. A woman needs to know that she has the ability nurse her husband and care for him. Education is the first step in changing people’s perception, because you cannot fix what you do not know. Research and learn the subject, learn how to communicate your feelings better. Once you receive the truth, use what you learn to better yourself and others in the process.

If we want the perception of couples nursing to change we have to be the ones to change it. We have to start talking about it, we have to be honest with our children. I have said it a thousand times; if you don’t talk to your children someone else will and that may not be good. Couples nursing is a subject that any Christian should never shy away from. If the world saw Christians embracing this activity it would help change perceptions. Every Bible believing, God fearing Christian should include this in their marriage. I believe couples nursing is the only way to establish the interdependency needed for a truly stable partnership.

When I first learned about couples nursing I started to look at women in a different manner. I changed my perception to create a different reality. Instead, of just the opposite sex, I started looking at their nurturing qualities more positively. I started craving those traits and in the process I started talking to women in a different way. When I talked to them I appealed more to their nurturing attributes. As a consequence of changing my approach, women began to express themselves to me more about things they desired. I had grown up thinking that women were too mysterious to understand and I concluded, one and for all, that such a viewpoint was indeed false.

Jesus talks about perception in the following verse. “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! (Matthew 6:22-23 ESV) Your eyes bring in light, but a lot of us have unhealthy eyes so then our perception of light and darkness becomes skewed. A lot of us Christians continue to live in darkness thinking that the darkness is light because our eyes are still blind from ignorance, never recognizing the true light.

To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled. (Titus 1:15 ESV) Perception needs more discussion in Christian circles. The verse, in a nutshell, is saying that if your mind is pure your perception will be pure, if you have an impure mind your perception will be impure. We have to start seeing things from a different perception in order to differentiate the light from darkness.

Are there selfish women out there? Yes, just like an equal amount of selfish men exist as well. Before we jump to conclusions and play the blame game let’s ask ourselves some things first. Why do I desire couples nursing? Am I respecting his/her feelings when I request this and am I sure I have the right motives in mind before I ask? Couples nursing is a big commitment and we need to be the best we can for our partner. Remember that like everything else in life you get out what you put in and relationships are no different.

I challenge Christians everywhere to be the ones to help change the perception of couples nursing so more Christians will practice it in their marriages. We need to set the example because the unsaved are watching us and their present “perception” of us is negative due to the cancer known as self-righteousness. If we start talking about these things openly the unsaved are going to pay attention, and some of them may even be led to the faith. Let’s start having a conversation about it honestly and openly.

Very legalistic statement from well-respected Christian site

There’s this very useful Christian website based in Colorado. Affiliated with a well-known conservative organization that promotes family values, the site provides many helpful resources to single Christians and young adults and I generally enjoy their gospel-centered articles but one day, I came across an unhelpful, unforgettable statement that I must call out.

If you’re a single man who one day stumbles by viewing porn, wait one year before actively dating a sister in Christ, the statement essentially read. The author acknowledged how harsh that sounded, but maintained that with such filth still close to the surface, men have no business pursuing God’s daughters.

To be fair, the author also stated that the habit of viewing porn is a terrible one to bring into a marriage, and I agree. My main problem with his article is his failure to differentiate between the habitual viewer and the occasional stumbler. He simply tossed everyone in the same boat. One year fits all.

This makes him come across as a legalist, as I explain below, despite his good faith attempt to protect our sisters. Like millions of Christians, purity seems to be a stumbling block for the author.

I know it’s possible to give up a porn habit but still struggle to forget, even after several years, because, let’s face it, regular porn consumers never completely rid their minds of pornographic images, regardless of the passage of a year or ten. Does that mean they’re never to seek marriage? A lifetime of singleness for folks who just can’t get those decades-old images out of their heads? As we can see, it’s not about time since last viewing. God sees things in terms of heartfelt repentance (Acts 2:37), not in terms of time frames. He doesn’t keep a record of when we last wronged Him, and I sure am glad for that.

It’s your attitude towards porn and how far you’re willing to go to guard your heart that counts, not how recently you viewed it.

At amusement parks, we often run into signs that say “you must be ‘this’ tall to get on this ride”. These signs remind me of the mindset too many Christians have. I’ve come across far too many Christians who say ‘before considering marriage, you must be “this” sanctified’, subjectively setting some level of sanctification as a yardstick. For a few extremists, that level is nothing short of perfection.

Let me state one thing clearly: God only has one indisputable marital prerequisite, and that’s saving faith in His Son, not some human-defined sanctification benchmark, or the abstention from some particular sins for some human-determined period. The ability to care for your would-be spouse is also important, but anyone with genuine faith in Christ would naturally want to care for their future spouse.

Another reason I find the advice legalistic and troubling is the fact that according to the author’s logic, every married man who gives in to pornographic temptation must separate from his wife for a year each time it occurs, or, unlikely but possible, that the God-fearing single man who despite his best efforts, keeps slipping into porn once every eleven months and twenty nine days must stay single for life, as he’s locked into a vicious circle.

Moreover, insisting on time frames and human-defined levels of righteousness before marriage is exactly the kind of works-based righteousness against which God warned us through the letters of the apostle Paul. The only biblical pattern I’m aware of that mandates physical separation during a period of cleansing is tied to Mosaic Law, which no longer applies to believers.

If a single man is struggling with porn, this shows that there’s a beautiful, God-given desire that he’s trying to fulfill in the wrong ways. Having him wait twelve months is probably counterproductive. I have a different, multi-layer proposal: finding several accountability partners, using internet monitoring software, taking his sexual desires to God in prayer, and perhaps his body is signaling time to begin begging God for a wife.

It’s your heart attitude that matters, not time frames. I know abstaining from all things remotely sexual, including marriage and the opposite sex, has only caused problems for me.

This is perhaps my co-laborer Ray Stone’s biggest problem with the Church today, and also one of mine.
We’re so dogmatic and unforgiving that we conjure up unreasonable rules like the Pharisees did (see Matthew 23:4).

Unlike Pharisees, God has a dichotomous view of morality. By His standards, no one is worthy of marriage, since we all fall into sexual sin each and every day (Matthew 5:28, Mark 7:20-23). Thanks be to God for Jesus Christ, through Whom we have already been perfected without having to wait 12 months. Our positional sanctification is already complete in the present, and that goes even for the worst porn fanatic who now places his trust in Jesus.

Christians are so steeped in unbiblical, moralistic traditions that they are unable and unwilling to dig up the real truth and appreciate that which God endorses and declares beautiful e.g. Couples Nursing, thus the Christian taboo surrounding anything sexual is perpetuated.

Slowly but surely, the taboo curtain is being lifted.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

Useful ANR fact number 1

The average woman with ANR interests is 5’5″ or 165 cm tall. This isn’t too big a deal but it’s significant. I might explain what I mean in a future post.

Source and method: I randomly selected 200 women from an ANR dating site and found out their average height was literally just a hair above 5’5″. Although I didn’t perform a detailed statistical breakdown and couldn’t tell you the standard deviation, I know there was a little bit of spread. I recall one woman being 4’10” (147 cm) and another that was taller than 6 ft (183 cm), but the clear majority were close to the mean.

Material Disconnect

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Mat 6:26 ESV)

We are in the midst of a very real cultural problem. We live in a society which celebrates being selfish and pursuing material gain at any cost. Obesity, cancer, heart disease, and skyrocketing depression rates are the norm. Our culture demonizes the poor and exalts the rich. In short, if you don’t have the latest and greatest you are nothing. Materialism, like the force in Star Wars, is all around us on TV, the radio, the internet. We work ourselves to death for things we do not need.

This is not limited to the profane (unsaved). Christians have bought into this reality as well. So much, in fact, that the Church is backing it and has even twisted the Bible around to support this extremely selfish ideology. Are you not more important than a bird? God will, and has taken care of us we just choose not to see it. We live in an oxymoron culture. We are connected like never before but we have no personal connections anymore. I doubt anyone knows how to have conversation these days. We as Christians were warned by Jesus not to embrace this lifestyle.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. (Mat 6:19-20 ESV)

How do we fix this? Well, we fix this by building meaningful relationships and loving our husbands and wives the way we are supposed to by celebrating love. Our relationships are everything and we must show love and compassion for others all the time, that is how we rise above materialism. I read stories all the time of people pursuing couples nursing, but inevitably fail because they can’t slow down long enough to get off the materialistic roller coaster. Nursing requires that you be focused on each other, not things and the pursuit thereof.

I understand the need to survive, don’t get me wrong. But what does a huge screen TV and a cell phone, that does everything except change your clothes, have to do with surviving? I am a contributing member on some ANR/ABF groups and discussion panels, and I always tell people that if you desire this intimacy you need to drop the materialistic lifestyle. If you continue to embrace materialism YOU WILL FAIL. There are plenty of work at home opportunities available today which allow you to be nearer each other, and I recommend that the readers here check them out.

Of all the gifts God gave us (besides salvation) being nursed by a woman who loves you blows everything out of the water. Once you experience real feminine love there is no going back, nothing will ever fill that void again. It’s time we grew up and stopped playing the “He who has the Biggest Toys Wins” game. You can accumulate all you want, but you can’t take it with you when you go. It’s time we ditched this material hell and embraced God’s way. Your life will be much richer. No Joke.

All earthly joy begins pleasantly, but at the end it gnaws and kills. –Thomas a’Kempis

In Love and Respect,

Ray Stone

More concise and concrete version of the ANR profile

Rather than always going by all seven qualities plus five bonuses, six seem to work well. The 7 and 5 bonuses are those I’ve noticed from online research, while those below were compiled from actual interactions with women. It’s like theoretical versus [experiential] probability- my scientific/statistical readers can relate. All women who were open to my marital ANR desires mostly share some characteristics that were lacking in those who declined. The women who said yes were mostly:

  1. Biblically feminine (Christ-centered, soft, comforting, nurturing, voluntarily submissive, traditional, caring, generous, homemakers, good cooks and bakers, proverbs 31 reminiscent)
  2. Affectionate
  3. Really interested in me
  4. Endowed
  5. Sexual
  6. Open-minded

If I had to pick two absolutely crucial traits from that list, they would be biblical femininity and having a strong interest in me. These two, I’ve found, were shared not by most but by all women who responded in the affirmative.

So our 10 week discussion of the ANR lover’s profile boils down to two non-negotiables. Gentlemen, to save time on your search, I strongly urge you to use those two as major screeners. If she’s lacking either of the two, the odds of her agreeing to an ANR drop considerably. If you don’t see any evidence of her being a nurturing/comforting/soft/encouraging person, don’t bother.

Ladies, I haven’t spent time profiling the ANR man, but I’m guessing his nutshell description would be: biblical masculinity, humility, tactility and being slightly odd/alternative. He’s biblically masculine in that he’s sensitive yet physically strong and believes men should lead, while being comfortable with femininity and treating women well. He’s also tender-hearted like Christ.

No more ANR profile-related posts planned for now. Happy hunting!

DA Carson’s in-person quote and how it reinforces ANR convictions

According to John 17, Christian love should reflect the love in the Godhead.

I was blessed to hear a live message by DA Carson just a few hours ago in Toronto.

It’s mind-blowing how God’s sovereignty works. I’m paying a visit to the city and initially planned to be at a sister church this morning. I’m glad I made the swap. The message was amazing, too bad I didn’t get a chance to talk to a well respected author, some of whose books I own. That one quote above only serves to further defend ANRS biblically.

John 17:11, 21-23 are all about believers uniting as intimately as do the Father, Son and Spirit. CARM, an apologetics website for which I have a lot of respect, once stated how the notion of marriage mirroring the intimacy in the Trinity is only speculative. My first time very carefully reading John 17, now I know it to be God’s direct intent for marriage, not merely human speculation. Ephesians 4 also supports this.

I stated in my biblical defense post: “I believe a Christian couple should be as intimate as humanly possible in every sense: spiritually, physically, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and in every other way because Ephesians 5 tells us this reflects the intimacy Christ has with the church, plus the perfect intimacy in the Trinity isn’t a bad thing to emulate.”

Thank God for leading me to a church where DA Carson helped confirm that, using God’s Word.

Monthly ANRSpace member tally

ANRs are slowly becoming more popular. To demonstrate that, I’m beginning an open-ended investigation into the number of heterosexual members on ANRSpace, the only ANR dating site that makes a genuine, albeit biblically inadequate attempt at sexual purity.

As of today, there are 5,758 members on the site.

I’ll post updated numbers on the 16th of every month so we can observe together and draw conclusions.

Please exercise extreme caution if you plan to visit ANRSpace, this goes especially to gentlemen. The site does try but doesn’t go far enough to fight lust.

PS: I’d like to extend a warm welcome to the first guest blogger, Raymond Stone, whose first post, ‘A Beautiful Gift from God’ appears below. Praise God for providing someone who answered the call and joined in this effort. I’m very hopeful that more sold out believers will join and Couples Nursing will be more popular in Christian marriages.

A Beautiful Gift from God

My name is Ray Stone and I am very honored to be a part of this blog. I want to thank the administrator for the opportunity to contribute. I look forward to assisting any way I can. This blog is, in my opinion, the best one out there for Christians seeking out information on couples nursing. The administrator has a great mind and a very good ability for understanding scripture.

Couples nursing is a beautiful gift from God to a loving committed relationship. Unfortunately because of ignorance and negative views of our bodies this very beautiful activity has been unfairly relegated to the taboo category. My goal is to help people wade through the lies and deception to find how wonderful God intended your life to be.

The only way for couples nursing to come out of the taboo closet is education. Only when nursing is seen as the beautiful, tender, and loving activity it is, the taboo curtain will come down.

In Love and Respect

Ray Stone

Five bonus characteristics

If a woman meets all seven ARNTSSS criteria, she most likely would enjoy an ANR. If in addition, she has these five below, then she’s likely to crave* an ANR:

1. Endowed. This first bonus characteristic of the female ANR lover seems like the most obvious, and of all physical attributes shared by women on ANR blogs and dating sites, it’s way up there with having sensitive and responsive skin/nerves as one of the most common. About nine of ten I encountered during my online research are blessed in this department.

When I realized this, I had to take a moment and pause in awe of the divine grace bestowed upon men through these ladies who are godly, well-endowed and wanting to nurse their men. And believe me guys, there are thousands of them out there in the world  🙂

Generally, the more endowed a woman is, the more male attention she’d like paid to that part of her body. I came across some ANR desiring women who admitted to this desire for breast attention. Biblically speaking, a marital ANR is the most glorious way to receive that attention. Besides procreation, I can’t think of a more exalted way to feel feminine in a sense that’s simultaneously functional and sexual. “I feel like producing milk is the most feminine thing a woman can do with the exception of giving birth”, said one woman on ANRSpace.

As I stated in my post defending ANRs from a biblical standpoint, sadly, most women use their breasts in all the wrong ways in order to get this attention and feel like a “goddess.”

The following admonition to gentlemen should be obvious and I apologize for being preachy, but I still think it’s worth stressing the need to avoid staring, as it’s easy to tell when a woman is well endowed.

Ladies, as a guy who has been complimented on some of his facial features, I think the male equivalent of this criterion might just be that- masculine features that are easy on the eyes, if I may be so bold to say.

Personality and character play a slightly bigger role in determining ANR interest than physical attributes, as we’ve learned from the seven traits. There are millions of well-endowed women who are repulsed by the idea of ABF, just like there are millions of “smaller” women who are very interested. Larger breasted ones just want it strongly enough to advertise their desire on ANR sites and blogs. So it’s best to think of this trait as a bonus.

2. Different. Alternative. Perhaps a little weird, by worldly (western) standards. Nothing wrong with being weird. I’ve been called that plenty of times. The world needs weird people in order to function properly. In this context, we easily see why oddness can be a blessing. We “different” people can be trailblazers. I know eccentricity is often linked to intelligence but I was intrigued to see how this book links it to leadership. I think we can all concur that weird people can sometimes be revolutionaries. John the Baptist wore clothes made of camel’s hair and ate locusts and wild honey. Our Savior Himself had the unbelieving Jews convinced He was out of His mind by telling them to eat His flesh and drink His blood.

In my biblical defense post, I mention how alternative forms of intimacy can sometimes be seen as too out there by self-proclaimed normal, righteous, cultured folks, until we “weirdos” popularize them. Then they all jump on the bandwagon.

3. Lonely. Deprivation increases the need for intimacy. Like weirdness, loneliness can be a blessing in disguise.

4. Pretty. Blue eyes. Brown eyes. Hazel. Blue-green.
Blonde. Brunette. Brown. Jet black. Red.
Freckled and non-freckled.
Black, white, Asian, mixed. Gorgeous women from all nations and tongues I encountered on my quest.

Experts frequently draw parallels between attractiveness and health. Apparently, healthy people instinctively know Couples Nursing is a healthy practice, both to the individual and the couple.

5. Doula, nurse, lactation consultant, midwife, maternal and child health caregiver, women’s healthcare worker, naturopathic healthcare worker or other caregiver.

I have yet another post related to the ANR profile to be published next Monday. Please stay tuned. If you have any input on any of these characteristics, don’t be shy- leave a comment or write prov519@gmail.com.


*Craving something isn’t always sinful, depending on the object and the circumstances. It becomes sinful when the craving becomes a distraction. It’s possible to have a very strong desire for something without sinning, see Proverbs 13:12, and interestingly, see also verse 19.


Afterword on the ANR lover’s profile

I again thank you for patiently waiting as I published the ANR tell-tale signs over the past couple of Mondays: Adventurous, Romantic, Nurturing, Tactile, Simple, Soft and Spiritual.

Some might be surprised at the omission of criteria such as open-minded or sexual, but upon a closer inspection of the published criteria, it becomes evident that those “missing” qualifications are interwoven into the seven. There’s also a lot of overlap between those listed.

If we examine these criteria, we see that people who meet them have a dazzling array of qualities, some of which seem contradictory. They love God’s great gifts of food, love, romance, sex, physical touch, and family; they’re bold, humble, tender, full of wonder and curiosity, are caring, generous, poetic and non-superficial. They’re adventurous homemakers, sophisticated yet simple, classy while down to earth, elegant but not very materialistic, strong but have no problem respecting and submitting to their husbands or honoring their wives.
image

Thanks for following along as I revealed all ANR attributes over the past two months. I have some bonus criteria to discuss next Monday.

I wonder if these qualities resonate with any readers.

spiritual

Spiritual - woman deep-breath raised-arms

We made it to the last characteristic in our profile of the typical ANR lover.

I’m referring to the lower case ‘spiritual’ in this context. I’m only using the human definition in the non-biblical sense of being soulful and deep, as not all women with ANR desires are indwelt by God the Spirit, and conversely, being Spirit-filled has little to no bearing on ANR desire, although wanting an ANR in itself is God-glorifying.

By definition, all Christians are spiritual but some more than others. Apparently, God designed some individuals to be more soulful, extramundane and have stronger yearnings for intangibles. Sadly, non-Christian ANR women greatly abuse their imago-Dei by pursuing things like positive energy, solstice rituals, unbiblical meditation and Tai-chi. Christian ones have lots of depth and are less materialistic than average. They are likely to be into things like gardening, healthy living and non-spiritual breathing exercises, nothing more ominous, therefore absolutely no Yin-Yang, Feng Shui or New Age earth-universe worship.

I’ve noticed that ANR ladies have ethereal inclinations and desire a deep, organic connection. They can also be superlatively poetic.
They’re all about peace and harmony, and want to be as united as humanly possible with their husbands. They want one system. A living, breathing, dynamic connection.
image

There’s something about Husband Nursing that’s truly sacred and deeply meaningful, even more than sex, I think. Sexual intercourse places fewer mutual obligations on a couple, and for many working couples, it’s only on the mind as the need arises. However, Couples Nursing forces a couple to keep each other in mind all the time.

I believe CN brings a couple to a heightened level of mutual dependence, connection and synergy unattainable through any other physical means. It gives more meaning to the two becoming one flesh (Gen. 2:24) than anything else.

Although ANR-loving folks are often simple, when it comes to things that matter most in life, they’re far from clueless or naive. They have depth, wisdom and insight. Their astute understanding of the intensely profound nature of this relationship and its significance is precisely what attracts them to it.

Last summer, when my ANR research was well underway, I began noticing the abundance of words in Scripture that describe God and Christianity in organic, botanical terms. Throughout the Bible, we see words and phrases like roots, fruits, seeds, plants, soil, the sower, I am the Vine, you are the branches, abide in Me, springs, if a seed dies, it bears much fruit, living water and so on. I saw this as an epiphany.

I know this sounds like eisegesis, but it’s actually quite the converse. Perhaps how God intended the Christian life and marriage to play out aren’t readily apparent, due to being purposely obscured by translators. Perhaps God corrects this spiritual error by placing an insatiable itch for the Truth in people like John MacArthur, or anyone who has done some major investigation into Proverbs 5:19’s original Hebrew phrasing (scroll down a little, notice Proverbs 5:19 appears three times on this page).

I recall a teaching elder of a theologically sound church I once belonged to noting how Christians are commanded to be “organically connected” to a local body of believers. Without a doubt, the God of Scripture values deep, organic connections, where the whole is greater than the sum of parts, and individuals are well plugged into Him and each other, forming a vibrant ecosystem connected through and animated by His Holy Spirit.

The church … is not an organization; it is an organism. Christ is the head and He is responsible for its growth.

Brian Jonson, Monergism.com

As far back as my teenage years, I’ve listened to music that brought an overwhelming sense of serenity. I often drifted off to sleep while it played. A non-believer in those days, someone who noticed this habit of mine remarked: “he’s obviously trying to get close to his god.” They were right. I wasn’t Buddhist or Hindu but was chasing a nirvana-like feeling, trying to fill the divine void in my heart, very much like ANR women who think they can fill the God-shaped hole in their hearts with anything other than being reconciled to Him through the slain Lamb.

When revealing the ANR lover’s romantic inclination, I alluded to this post. ANR women want a trance-like, dreamy, heavenly state, like romantics do. On your search, look for women who long for “heaven on earth”, in other words, want God’s Kingdom to come ASAP.

70% of ladies on the same ANR dating site mentioned here listed music as an interest. Music came in second to none. That’s because an ANR brings a welcome rhythm, a sweet melody, to the human soul. The refreshment it provides is one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind, apart from drinking directly from the Source – the eternally refreshingliving water fountain Himself.

That’s it. Thank you very much for following along as I revealed all the characteristics all ANR women seem to share.

Please read the series afterword. It contains a pleasant surprise.

Thanks again.

Soft

Soft - Tulle skirt

This is the penultimate trait in our series. Many ANR women are tender, soft-spoken, cuddly, sensitive, gentle, peaceful and unquestionably feminine.

God created women to be softer, more delicate and innate nurturers. These women take pride in Soft - secure in selftheir femininity; they naturally and joyfully take hold of divinely established gender roles.

They are built more for comfort than speed, and their softness is multi-dimensional: physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. Their idea of a strong marriage is when both spouses are laid bare and vulnerable to each other. It’s in daily re-living Genesis 2:25: Adam and his wife naked and not ashamed.

Women who nurse their husbands often report being proud of what they do and feeling more feminine and attractive during the nursing, so this adds even more of a feminine glow to these women who are already very feminine to begin with. To them that have, more will be given, and to them that don’t have, even what little they have will be taken away, Mark 4:25.

One shouldn’t mistake these ladies’ softness for weakness, however. It’s possible to simultaneously be soft and physically strong. I came across an ANR woman who’s into fitness and weight training, and another that’s very much into all professional sports. They may be soft but they all possess quiet strength, not in-your-face aggressiveness. (Link contains an endorsement of evolutionary theory.)

I believe the description above mostly correlates with the ANR man, except of course, in a masculine way. The typical ANR man is probably gentle, well-built and filled with inner strength, not the highly insecure “macho” type.

Although popularly frowned upon, the Bible makes much mention of tenderness. Christ is often called a Lamb, or more accurately, a Lion and a Lamb. We’re commanded to be innocent as doves, shrewd as serpents. Tenderness and strength seem like inseparable concepts in God’s Word.

The preceding is dedicated to all the ladies out there who are tender on the outside, lioness on the inside. Nurse on.

(Six down, one to go. Monday, October 5th concludes our series. Have a blessed week.)

Simple

Simple - Elisabeth Elliot.jpg

Welcome to our fifth of seven characteristics to help inform your search for an ANR-interested mate: simplicity, nearly synonymous with humility.

This one gets a bad rap. There’s even a term that has been coined to mock simple folks. Simplicity in the sense of humility and unpretentiousness is highly looked upon in Scripture, however.

Folks who desire an ANR are typically humble. They’re also often honest. They’re not game players, complex liars or cheaters.
Women with ANR interests love the simple things in life. They often describe cozy home scenes. Time and again, I’ve found ANR women who said they want to provide a safe, loving and warm place for their husbands to come home to after the daily grind.

I think the scene is olden but golden: man goes out to face a world filled with peril, later comes home to be loved and nurtured by his wife. Classic beauty.

While on that subtopic, here’s a slight tangent: the overwhelming majority of people would agree that the idea of a man who goes off to fight for his country, gets wounded in battle then comes home to a loving wife who nurses his wounds is a truly noble and beautiful one. Well, ANRs aren’t much different. There’s just (hopefully) less bloodshed involved.

In an article titled “Humility: A Quiet, Underappreciated Strength“, Time magazine notes how humble people are usually quick to lend a helping hand. Again, we see how our ANR criteria are interwoven, in this case, between being simple and being nurturing/generous, and we will see a connection between humility and our criterion to be disclosed next week.

Simple - helping hand

There’s an ongoing thunderstorm as I type this. This happens to be another one of the simple pleasures some ANR women enjoy. I observed how alluring CN in the rain is to them. It’s often the simple things in life that are most meaningful.

Simple - Jesus washing feet

The simplicity of ANRs is offensive to the proud like the simplicity of the gospel offends the arrogant. Submissiveness, humility and childlike compliance are intolerable ideas to them.

Alongsiders International founder Craig Greenfield tweeted “When God wanted to change the world [He] didn’t send in a wealthy king or powerful CEO. He sent in a marginalized child.” God loves child-like innocence and simplicity, not human pomp and pride.

HN is such a simple act yet it creates a rich marital dynamic. How can something so basic and “foolish” make such a profound difference in marriages? Because it’s often the simple things in life that are most meaningful.

I admit ANRs seem elementary and babyish. God’s foremost intent in creating breasts was for feeding babies, so grown men indulging is shockingly bizarre to most. But as I said before, I strongly believe God makes it clear that husbands may also bond with wives through this loving act.

The godliest woman I found on an ANR dating site said she was looking for a faithful Christian husband in order to feed him her essence. Essence. I love her use of that word. It connotes a nexus. It denotes freedom from clutter. Freedom from the noise that pollutes our busy lives. It conjures up images of what’s truly important, that which is far too easily obscured by this crazy world of ours.

Simplicity- beauty

Pure unadulterated milk. Straight from the source. No growth hormones, just natural simplicity at its finest. See you on the 28th.

Confessions

Confessions

It’s incredibly hard to be a Christian sometimes. What a tightrope this is. When you’re a single man with a biblical, beautiful, yet sexual desire, you face a tough balancing act, thus I have some confessing to do.

God’s Word mentions HN thrice as far as I know, but I sometimes think of it with disproportionate frequency. If believers leave anything unchecked, we can easily take beautiful truths from Scripture and twist them into saying things like Mary never sinned, or God forbid, forming an entire denomination/cult around Couples Nursing.

Please keep me in your prayers.

See also: What the Bible does NOT say about an ANR for more confessions.


2016 update: God won’t deny Himself. The indwelling Holy Spirit won’t let me go. The struggle mentioned above is cyclical. He’s giving me victory with this sin, as the truly regenerate are marked by a lifestyle of repentance, and I see God’s sanctifying grace in me through all this.

Also see Sexual desire is neither sinful nor scary, where I make the following statement:

“I thank God that only through His Spirit, I don’t have mental ANRs with women I come across in my day-to-day life. Rather, my desire is mostly attached to the hope of enjoying this gift in marriage alone. With God the Spirit dwelling in us, being very sexual and very monogamous is an absolute possibility, more than that, it’s the expectation for the regenerate.”

Tactile

Sensual - Feet Cuddling

Number four.

ANR women are very affectionate. Touch is usually the love language they speak most fluently. Their nerves work very well, to God’s glory. They tend to have sensitive and responsive skin and could cuddle from sunrise to sunset. They can’t keep their hands off people they adore and generally view sex not as a chore but as the pleasurable bonding act it’s meant to be.

Sensual - black-and-white flower

People, especially older women, love touching me during conversations. Soothing and sweet are adjectives that have been used to describe me, and I am an indulgent* person. No matter how late I’m running, I have a bad habit of spending an extra minute in a perfect-temperature shower. ‘Feel good’ could be my middle name.

Yes, you know I have to do it again. I’m simply incapable of publishing a potentially sinful post without a warning. The Bible often warns against sensuality. I don’t think all Christians see eye-to-eye on its definition, nevertheless, we can agree on the need to exercise caution. We’re warned to avoid even a hint of sexual immorality, which is difficult considering the subject of this blog, but a battle well worth fighting for God’s glory and our good. And obviously, as with women who are well-endowed, we can perceive tactility and affectionate tendencies with all purity, without exposing ourselves to lust. We need not be physically intimate with an affectionate person to realize this trait, they instinctively speak their love language when around other people and pets.

Now the majority of the ANR-loving woman’s characteristics have been disclosed. Next Monday, I’ll be revealing one of the most biblically noble ones. See you then, Lord willing.

*1 Timothy 5:6: “But she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.” Occasional indulgence isn’t sin. The problem is self.

Nurturing

Dawn Camp - 5 ways to nurture man Mr. mug.jpg

Women who have this third ANR characteristic enjoy giving of themselves to others. They’re excellent homemakers and great caretakers. They love to cook and bake, in fact many call themselves foodies. Dining was the number three interest on the previously mentioned ANR dating site, almost tied for second place, so look for that traditional, classic woman that’s brimming with inner beauty. Actively look for signs that she’s a mama bear nurturer, a comforter and/or an encourager. If those don’t describe her at all, politely move on.

feeding-her-man-breakfast

 

Holding small plant

ANR folks are great family men and women. If I may say so, people tend to see me as a gentleman who’ll one day make a good husband and father. Strong families are built on strong marriages (which are built on Christ, the ultimate nurturer). The closer you are to your spouse and the more heavily you invest in him or her, the more you set your family up for success. No wonder ANR-interested men and women make the best parents.

Nurturing - homemaking book

Co-laborers needed ASAP

I feel privileged and humbled to operate a blog which to my knowledge is the only English-language one that’s completely Christian and completely dedicated to Adult Nursing Relationships.
I thank God I’m able to offer unique content that serves my readers, but having an idea ahead of its time also has its flip side.

I really want co-laborers in this effort. God forbid anything disabling happen to me, I would want others to keep this lamp burning.Co-laborers - 1 Corinthians-3 9

I want guest bloggers. I want to see more Christian ANR blogs, online communities, YouTube channels, tweets, Facebook pages, websites, an ANR dating site that takes holiness seriously, and so on.

My vision is to witness a marked increase in the popularity of Couples Nursing in Christian marriages. The strength and stability that would afford Christian couples would undoubtedly bring glory to Christ. To see that happen, I need like-minded people. Please contact me at prov519@gmail.com. Pray God makes it happen.

Lessons from Ashley Madison: the uniqueness of ABF

The recent Ashley Madison leak has revealed some telling data. 99.95% of the site’s users are male. How does this compare to other matchmaking sites? On those tailored towards mainstream sexual activity, about 75 to 80% of users are male. In comparison, only 68% of heterosexual accounts on ANRSpace belong to men, but I strongly believe the actual ratio of people desiring an ANR is even more balanced between the sexes.

Here’s why I hold that view: despite only 0.05% of Ashley Madison customers being female, I learned that 41% of marital infidelity is perpetrated by women. So the real issue isn’t a paucity of women who cheat or want an ANR, it’s twofold: 1. Women are more secretive, so when desirous of anything sexual or extramarital, they generally won’t resort to the World Wide Web to find an outlet, and 2. Women have a much easier time finding sexual partners.

The main reason I strongly suspect a 50-50 ratio for Adult Nursing Relationships is their unique nature.

Many ANR women have much girl next door charm. Some are even involved in church.
Ladies don’t view Couples Nursing as an exclusively sexual activity. To them, it’s a beautiful, loving, bonding act. On ANR blogs and dating sites, most mention the intimacy it creates before the sexual aspect.

God has designed women to be very society-friendly. A good litmus test of the social conduciveness of anything is to examine its male-female ratio. The more equal, the better.

It’s worth noting that the more lewd ANR dating sites have significantly fewer female users than ANRSpace, so if the clean, gospel-centered ANR dating site I envision were to come to fruition, I bet its male-female ratio would be an even 50-50.

There’s absolutely no activity I think men and women could agree on more than ABF. Women realize that it elevates intimacy to never-before-seen heights, and that’s what primarily draws them to it. The inherent sexual pleasure plays an important but slightly less significant role. For men, it’s both the extreme intimacy and a sexual attraction to breasts. Men approach ABF from a sexual and relational standpoint, women from a nurturing/bonding, before sexual one, so they essentially meet halfway. Husband Nursing lies at the confluence of our God-given, sex-specific hard wiring.

CN creates a win-win situation for both spouses. That’s why a healthy amount of it is only beneficial, never detrimental to marriage, also why every couple that partakes in it loves it and why a significantly higher proportion of women are interested, compared to other activities that are reserved for the bedroom. Indeed, of the dozens of ANR blogs out there, mine is the only one I know that is owned by a man.

One of the ladies who said no to an ANR had professed to having a high sex drive. She told me she found it interesting and peculiar that I insist on any one particular sex act in marriage. However, if one reads all the posts on this blog thoroughly and with an open mind, it quickly becomes obvious that an ANR is no mere sex act. It’s a way of life. It’s a spiritual mindset that elevates couples to unimaginable heights of intimacy, and is 100% biblical.

The mission and premise behind sites like Ashley Madison is antithetical to those of Christian ANR sites. Some sites are out to destroy the institution of marriage, others aim to strengthen it to the glory of Christ.

Therefore, ANRs have a lot more female fans than Ashley Madison.


 

November 2015 update: among search phrases leading to this blog are “how to start ANR with husband” and “how to convince husband about ANR”. I’m yet to see a single one about convincing wives about ANRs. This reinforces the belief that women are equally interested in ANRs, they’re just less likely to advertise their desires on dating sites or anywhere online for that matter.

December 30, 2016 update: today marks the first day I’ve officially seen a search query leading to this blog that’s about starting an ANR with one’s wife – over a year after noticing a pattern of women researching how to start ANRs with their husbands, although earlier this year, there were two queries for “husband wants anr” that went unnoticed.

Romantic

Romantic - couple-fireplace-wine

The second trait in our series to help distinguish ANR lovers from ANR bashers is romantic inclination/elegance/class.

The typical ANR fan is an idealist. In everything, this person wants the ultimate and can be considered an extremist, at least in some positive ways. When it comes to love, he/she doesn’t believe in half jobs, it’s all or nothing. They’re starry-eyed dreamers with elegance, sophistication and a bit of “swag”. They’re also a bit fantasy prone.

Romantic people yearn for strong, vibrant marriages and happily ever after stories, which is close to what an ANR brings to a marriage. It’s often called a great marriage stabilizer and joy inducer.

Romantic- Couple on bicycle

Romantics aren’t lacking in charm either- quite a number of the women I’ve profiled have been blessed in this area. This idealistic and dreamy tendency of the ANR fanatic is closely related to the preceding one because he/she likes taking things to uncharted territory. Romantics need extra sugar and spice in their marriages, ho-hum intimacy just doesn’t cut it. They crave unforgettable moments. Moonlit dinners and fireworks. Only thing better is nursing sessions while having a moonlit dinner and fireworks. This one is also related to another trait soon to be posted. I will draw the connections at that time.

Thanks for reading, next ANR profile clue due September 7th.Romantic - Beach sunset

Stuck in a marriage that lacks an ANR

I’d like to begin by acknowledging my inability to relate. In fact, I’m creating this post not to pretend to have the solutions but to solicit counsel from anyone with godly wisdom, because some of our brothers and sisters in Christ find themselves in this very situation.

What do you do if one of your deepest desires for marriage has never been and will likely never be met?

If you’re in this situation, I can remind you that God arranged this for you since eternity past but that probably won’t bring instant solace. Saying God works all things for your good and His glory may only bring temporary comfort. As a single man whose prospects of marrying an ANR-desiring woman are good, I can easily think it unfair.

I often feel stuck in other areas of my life and the control freak I am makes me fight God’s sovereignty in attempts to create my own happiness.

One important distinction is that God’s Word actually appears to encourage an ANR, unlike some of those areas in which I sometimes feel trapped.

Due to my inexperience, my only suggestion to those who find themselves under this circumstance is prayer, and possibly discussing it with a trusted Christian, while remembering that Christ alone is your ultimate satisfaction. Not easy, but God never promised us easy.

Adventurous

Adventurous - travel the world and the seven seas

Welcome to the first in a series of seven posts that characterize the ultimate lover of Adult Nursing Relationships.

On a particular ANR dating site, roughly 65% of female users indicated an interest in travel. It was the second most cited interest, coming behind music and barely ahead of dining. Other sources, especially ANR blogs, also support this propensity to tour the world if you’re into ANRs.

Vivacious-vitality

ANR people tend to be vivacious. They’re fun-loving folks who want to experience the best life has to offer. They’re prolific wanderlusters that enjoy veering off the beaten path, in search of their own pots of gold. It’s as if they have an uncanny ability to explore and mine for hidden gems. Years before I began my research into ABF, I had noticed a correlation between an adventurous spirit and sex appeal/sexual desire. The connection to ANR makes perfect sense, as an adventurous, trailblazing spirit comes in very handy when going against the grain by desiring something widely seen as taboo. Another reason for this correlation is obviously the fact that ABF is more exotic than most other attempts at intimacy. Bona fide wanderlusters can’t resist.

It’s extremely interesting how I see myself in these ANR-loving women who were the subjects of my research. I’d visit all seven continents if I could. Since God knows when, I’ve thought it’d be amazing to travel the world and the seven seas, and possibly discover a tiny island or two in the middle of nowhere.

Magellan

I was very captivated by the scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl in which Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley’s characters were stranded on some island, singing “A pirate’s life for me” around a campfire. I have always wanted something similar in marriage. With less pillaging, plundering and rum. Which makes this a perfect transition to the next ANR criterion.

See you next Monday.

Adventurous - jetman-yves-rossy- Dubai

When to bring it up to a potential mate

I don’t think there’s a consensus within the ANR community. Personally, I don’t waste time. I’m completely convinced that an ANR is a huge blessing, so I’m upfront about it. My general principle is first or second date depending on how well we appear to get along, and if she’s an online prospect then it’s always the first Skype video chat. I feel something this beneficial and Christ-exalting should be brought up sooner rather than later. I really don’t want to lead a woman on.

Being candid serves us both. There’s no point waiting until our engagement party to reveal something of this magnitude. I always begin my disclosure by acknowledging how early it is to speak of such intimate matters, but I’m also always sure to let her know my firm belief that the earlier, the better. I have never had a woman get upset at my timing, most likely because of my gradual, cautious approach to broaching the subject, it’s quite the contrary as they always tend to be grateful for my early disclosure. I must reiterate the necessity of cordiality in this kind of situation. Needless to say, there has to be a certain level of safety and warmth between two people before something this intimate is revealed, whether that level is reached on the first date or the tenth, so I usually first chat about spiritual topics and other things for at least an hour before the revelation. Also important: be sure to reveal in a place that affords you no privacy, such as a restaurant. It is my firm conviction that when dating, Christians should have no visual privacy, auditory privacy is understandable.

I’m repeating myself by saying fifteen minutes into the date might be a tad early, and for me, fifteen dates is too long, because I don’t want to end up developing feelings for a woman who rejects this beautiful intimacy.

“Dating has enough pitfalls already. Why open the door to something additional to lust after, after only one date?”,  some Christians might object.

Great question. To that I say individual results vary. I don’t recommend everyone follow my M.O. Personally, I don’t view any of the ladies any differently. With me, I honestly see zero chance of an ANR happening before marriage. I still see them the same way – as God’s daughters, with all purity, and I’ve seen little evidence of them lusting after me subsequent to the ANR revelation. To me, the foreknowledge of an ANR in marriage is like having foreknowledge of sex in marriage- and we all fall under that category. So talking about it cautiously before marriage does little to nothing to increase the temptation every Christian couple already faces when dating. Moreover, it’s hard for authentic Christians to have ANRs without being found out because of the major commitment required.