Category: Caution

Three rules for talking about ANR with the opposite sex

October 20th, 2023
Over the last five years, I’ve discussed ANR prematurely with a few women I didn’t know well. It certainly got me into trouble. Broken relationships and worse. This is part of a wider pattern of being slack in my Christian walk. I’ve now resolved to only discuss ANRs with women when one of three conditions is met:
1. She’s a Christian woman I’m actively pursuing
2. She’s a Christian woman I trust so much I can tell her anything
3. My wife and I are counseling her and her husband on how to achieve greater intimacy in marriage
Anything other than these poses too much of a risk. It’s wiser to err on the side of caution.
It’s not okay to be human

October 15th, 2023

I’ve been convicted of my lackadaisical and at times outright carnal walk and idolatry over the past seven years. This is owing to my laissez-faire “it’s okay to be human” mindset of the past few years. But to be human is to be inherently sinful. If we take a hands-off approach to our walk with Christ, before we know it, our flesh will get the best of us, and we’ll be indulging in gross carnality. If we give Satan an inch, he’ll take a mile.

I officially recant my stance. It’s not okay to be merely human. It’s okay to be Christian. And only Christian. Christ followers through and through who live for Him alone and intentionally give Him every breath. We must wage war against our flesh, or else get blindsided by sexual sin. We are easily blinded by our sin. The only remedy is to sit at Jesus’s feet and feed on his words (Luke 10:42).
Put God first in ALL your nursing desires

May 12th, 2023

Moment of vulnerability here. As I said in this post, I have a health condition that’s treatable with breast milk. Over the past few years, I’ve often wrestled with and wavered between seeking solutions involving breast milk, without sinning, as in Ancient China, and seeking other expressed solutions involving milk here in the US.

However, when I let my mind and heart wander too much into dangerously sinful territory, NOTHING goes well for me in the natural. Car accidents and even worse. I’ve not fornicated or entered into a pre-marital ANR, but my heart and desires have certainly exited their biblical boundaries many times in recent years.

The sobering fact is when I set my own parameters, terms and limits, I become my own god.

The faithful Christian asks “what can I do to positively pull in God’s direction?” but the carnal Christian asks “how close to the line can I get without violating my own moral standards?”

The believer who leads with God always ponders how to please and move towards him, doing only what he loves and approves. But the believer who leads with the flesh asks “what can I do to avoid legalism, please myself and enjoy life to the maximum?” We do this with human relationships as well. “How far can I push him before he pushes back?” “What would she let me get away with?” But the heart that seeks to love others only aims to serve and bless, putting their best interests first.

Lead with your new heart. A heart that’s been transformed by the radical love of Christ. Seek his mind and heart in all you do. Aim for Christ in everything you undertake. Like Pastor Rick Holland says, make Jesus the point of your life, not a part of it. Start not with “what if I’m missing out by avoiding this?” or “perhaps a little extra-cautious wet nursing might cure x health condition.” Both approaches are self-centered. Begin and end instead with what glorifies God and pleases his holy name.

If we’re very honest with ourselves, we’d admit that obsessing over breast milk and nursing, even with appropriate cautionary measures, may be extremely unwise at best, and we’re better off erring on the side of caution.

Don’t undermine your Christian witness. Don’t seek a medical wet nursing relationship, even in a cautiously constructed, Ancient-China-like environment. It’s too close to sex.

When I fix my mind and heart on Christ, however, I feel a peace and joy that can only be from above. This sublime feeling lasts only as long as I’m gazing on his beauty, akin to Moses’ face and its disappearing glory. But interestingly, my sense of health also shines forth, in ways that make me believe my health problems are nonexistent. I feel at the absolute top of my game, and I need to crave those moments more.

Faith in Christ is the remedy to most of our ailments, not placing ourselves in potentially compromising situations.
Should I pursue medical wet nursing?

May 28th, 2021

Be extremely careful. It’s too easy to be blindsided by, and end up rationalizing our sin.

Perhaps you have a health condition treatable with breast milk, and you’re considering finding a wet nurse, or nursing a sick man.

To do this without sinning, you need to be in a place where it’s so culturally accepted that women can nurse patients in areas that permit the presence of witnesses.

It’s very important to avoid the appearance of evil which 1 Thess. 5:22 warns us about.

Or you can seek freshly expressed milk. Or just wait till marriage, thereby altogether avoiding the possibility of sinning against a holy God.

The more intimate you are with Christ, the more likely he’ll open your eyes to ways you’ve been blinded by your sin. He’ll get you right back on track.
Let Christ be Lord of your ANR desire

November 9th, 2020

The Christian fight between legalism and antinomianism is lifelong. I said before how I used to be quite moralistic. Since founding this blog, I feel more enlightened and have left my prudish ways behind, but have to guard against worldly lust masquerading as newfound freedom in Christ. I mentioned how in the past few years, I’ve let my flesh get the best of me by letting my curiosity lead me to discuss ANR with women I didn’t know well enough, and even lost a dear Christian female friend in the process.

For those who minimize truth, he’ll burden them with heresies, for those who emphasize truth, he’ll turn them into Pharisees. One generation, he’ll tempt them to be legalists, the next generation, he’ll tempt them to be hedonists.
Shai Linne, “Cosmic Powers”

Don’t let your flesh get the upper hand. Put the “Christ” in Christ-centered ANR.

The key to walking the fine line between Christian liberty and gospel holiness is to seek to glorify Christ in everything. Keep him in mind and heart first, and he’s more likely to bless you with a faithful Christian ANR.

Submit to him in everything. He truly sees you right this moment from his vantage point at the right hand of God’s throne, and wants to bless you if you’re faithful and true.
Guard her heart

August 31st, 2020

Guys, since God has created the sexes differently and sex has a more powerful effect on women, it’s important to avoid falling into sexual sin.

When you get sexual with a woman before marriage, her heart gets involved. Getting visual or physical for your own purposes is prohibited.

Never try to “see just to make sure.” Talking about it is the furthest you can go, and even that with utmost caution, and never frequently.

If you’re out pleasing your flesh and “having a little harmless fun” or just being “curious” without considering the other, you will end up breaking many hearts.

“Treat younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”

— 1 Timothy 5:2
The unique danger posed by a Christian ANR

May 10th, 2020

People who claimed to “have seen the light” have committed some of the worst atrocities in history.

Those convinced they had special revelation from God have used their percieved status as divine messengers to harass, marginalize, enslave, rape, kill and exterminate.

Horrible hermeneutics have led to many of the worst injustices being carried out in God’s name.

The more dogmatically convinced you are of the correctness of your esoteric revelation, the greater danger you’re in of falling into this murderous arrogance.

Genuinely regenerated Christians are not immune. The Western church was blindsided by the racism engendered by the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Many of our favorite 16-17th century pastors are complicit, as were the Puritans.

What if our special revelation from God is true? What if biblical and anecdotal evidence strongly supports the divine nature of such insights?

It means we need to be a lot more careful. Our hearts are desperately wicked and deceitful (Jer. 17:9). The fact that we have special, hidden, ancient biblical knowledge can easily foster a superiority complex, which I’m sure in every single instance, preceded the abominable acts discussed above.

It’s commendably courageous to be part of the community who see the beauty in ANRs. But for us who are also Christians, the knowledge that we’re privy to such ancient wisdom endorsed by God Himself might slowly work its way into our hearts and psyches, leading us to spiritual arrogance. It’s one thing to objectify others. It’s another to objectify them while twisting Scripture to justify your actions.

“Those of us who really, really get it, who instinctively know that an ANR is a godsend, and is very biblical, are in even greater danger. …

Satan doesn’t tempt with the obvious …

A little “harmless” ANR research can head downhill fast.

Being right is inherently dangerous.”

— Give Satan an inch, he’ll take a mile on Christ-centered ANR

It’s one thing if a Christian gets carried away by their desire. It’s another thing entirely if they stare at people’s body parts and use verses like Proverbs 5:19 to justify their gross sin, as if “God has called me to ogle you and make you uncomfortable in the name of enlightenment, because I know better than you.” This thinking isn’t too dissimilar from those held by the aforementioned religious terrorists. Such a mindset is what truly worries me.

The solution? Give up your ANR desire? No, it’s to walk in even more fear and humility, with gratitude to the Lord for revealing to you something which although beautiful, can never replace what’s by far the most beautiful event in the history of the world — the atonement of Jesus Christ.
Casting Crowns – Slow Fade with lyrics

May 9th, 2020

Be careful little eyes what you see

It’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings

Be careful little feet where you go

For it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

CHORUS:

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away

It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear

When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near

Be careful little lips what you say

For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

CHORUS:
It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away

It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands

Is shorter than you’re thinking

Be careful if you think you stand

You just might be sinking

CHORUS:
It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away

It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

Daddies never crumble in a day

Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see

Oh be careful little eyes what you see

For the Father up above is looking down in love

Oh be careful little eyes what you see

The Whole Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

“The Bible is black and white in areas we tend to paint gray.”

– Christian rapper ‘The Channel’
Beware of being sued by snakes

April 6th, 2020

Yes, there might be a time and place for sexual discussion with nonbelievers in a manner that glorifies Christ, but in this radically fallen world in which one can’t be sure who to trust, we can’t let our guard down against fake backstabbers who feign interest in your conversation only to turn around and hit you with a lawsuit for discussing something “creepy.”

Exercise utmost caution in discussion.
As a single, you’re safest just talking to fellow single believers, still with tons of discernment and selfless prioritization of the other.
Don’t let your sexual curiosity get the best of you.