When most people slap the word “fetish” on our desire, what they really mean is “kink.” There’s a tendency to be lazy with all word choices and I thinks this reflects poor vocabulary in our culture. Our failure to distinguish and discern variations between words causes many to mislabel this relationship because “fetish” rolls off the tongue easily and is quite popular in modern parlance. In Am I twisting Scripture to justify my kinky fetish? and Couples Nursing is a love language, not a fetish, I’ve already defined the term “fetish” as 1. an attraction to something that’s typically non-sexual, 2. a desire that must be had in order to fully enjoy sex, and 3. is more common in males, and then I discussed how Couples Nursing fails to meet any of those three criteria. A much more appropriate term would be kinky, which Urban Dictionary defines as “something relating to, having, or appealing to unconventional tastes especially in sex” and by the Oxford dictionary as “used to describe sexual behaviour that most people would consider strange or unusual.”
Speaking of kinky, yes, that I certainly am, and I make no apologies for it. In fact some of my hardcore kinks have caused almost as much anxiety as my ANR desire has in years past when I didn’t know how to process them. I’ve stated before that I have some male fantasies that would make most women comfortable, but ANR is not one of them. Yeah, I know I definitely am significantly kinkier than average. These desires are things women might do for their husbands more on special occasions than on the daily.
I don’t sweat the kinky though. Compared to an ANR, I’m more willing to forgo these, as nothing whatsoever affect a woman’s hormones and creates an ongoing need to bond like it, so this clearly places it in a position of superiority to other forms of intimacy.
My other desires are very erotic and adventurous, so much so they just might make the prudish Christian next door almost have a heart attack at the prospect of discussing this outside marriage. Nevertheless, I’ve resolved to tangentially discuss these needs with a girlfriend. The fact is if I were to marry a woman that can’t be my “partner in kink” at least sometimes, our marriage won’t reach its potential.
I aim to show the world that Jesus and kinkiness can go well together — if implemented appropriately, and that’s a big if. Being adventurous in the bedroom need not be off limits to believers in Jesus Christ. And an ANR is not some curious fetish, there’s theology undergirding it.
With bible verses like “He put his hand through the keyhole,” “nipples of her they shall satiate you in every of season,” “his fruit was sweet to my taste,” “he grazes among the lillies,” “I would give you some spiced wine to drink, some juice squeezed from my pomegranates,” it’s clear that God has no problem with kinky — on the marriage bed.
Eccl. 3:1: “There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
Kinky is not synonymous with fetish.