“For I resolved to know nothing … except Jesus Christ and him crucified.”
– 1 Corinthians 2:2
So some macho men do want ANRs after all, or at least, the critical ingredient of an ANR.
But I think they’re the “tough on the outside, soft on the inside” type.
According to news sources, some bodybuilders claim breast milk helps build muscle.
Male bodybuilders buying expressed milk online isn’t quite an ANR, but it’s interesting and informative.
I’ve realized over the years that while physical traits matter, personality and character traits take the lion’s share in determining ANR compatibility, in both men and women.
It’s okay if he’s muscular and fit, with a tender heart, and enough humility to let himself be loved and nurtured by his wife.
If you struggle with intrusive mental images of ANRs, then “think often that Christ suffered agony for your purity. Fight image with image. Christ crying in agony.”
Christ gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.
1 Peter 1:18; 2:24
You were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, [but with the precious blood of Christ]. He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.
1 Corinthians 5:15
He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace?
From Strategies for Fighting Sexual Sin by John Piper
Source: Scripture 4 All Hebrew Interlinear Bible (OT) (Clear, downloadable PDF of Interlinear Hebrew Proverbs 5)
I’ve noticed some women who are into ANR tend to like things many women find relaxing, like sewing, knitting, home crafts, gardening and sharing recipes.
Those typical feminine, beautiful, homey, cozy, relaxing activities and qualities are definitely worth including with the ANR traits.
Yesterday, someone was led to this blog by entering the above question into a search engine.
Made me curious how you would handle this. Please comment below. Thanks a bunch.
Scientists have discovered that neighboring trees’ roots become interconnected underground, forming a larger system. They communicate and share nutrients.1, 2
In the same way, couples are supposed to be so intertwined that they form one ecosystem, a seamless union in which as one ANR woman put it, one member of the couple can say “I don’t know where I end and you begin.”
I don’t see how an honest observer can peer into God’s creation and fail to notice this synergistic, symbiotic intimacy everywhere.
I and the Father are one.
– Jesus Christ, John 10:30
4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
– Jesus Christ, John 15
See also: The beautiful tracer experiment
1. Do Trees Talk to Each Other? | Science | Smithsonian Magazine: “For young saplings in a deeply shaded part of the forest, the network is literally a lifeline. Lacking the sunlight to photosynthesize, they survive because big trees, including their parents, pump sugar into their roots through the network. [Forester Peter] Wohlleben likes to say that mother trees ‘suckle their young,’ which both stretches a metaphor and gets the point across vividly.”
“Mother trees are the biggest, oldest trees in the forest with the most fungal connections. They’re not necessarily female, but [scientist Suzanne] Simard sees them in a nurturing, supportive, maternal role. With their deep roots, they draw up water and make it available to shallow-rooted seedlings. They help neighboring trees by sending them nutrients, and when the neighbors are struggling, mother trees detect their distress signals and increase the flow of nutrients accordingly.”
Just over a year ago, I was on a date with a missionary kid born and raised in a tribal country in the tropical Eastern hemisphere.
She had grown up around breastfeeding mothers all her life.
Following my M.O., when I finally got to bringing up CN to find out what she thought of it, by showing her it was biblical and asserting it was a very loving thing to do for one’s husband, she simply said it wasn’t a big deal. She’d definitely partake when married if her husband were interested. She told me she had seen many mothers breastfeed in the jungle nation of her childhood, so she was completely comfortable with any and all forms of nursing. “Many couples do this in private,” she confidently declared, with a smile that couldn’t bely the somewhat erotic nature of our conversation. She repeated how it wasn’t at all a big deal to her.
This conversation that had the two of us sitting right there across from each other in a well-lit and nearly empty cafeteria was very helpful and instructive in my quest to better understand ANRs.
People who are exposed to breastfeeding and aren’t closed-minded are a likelier bet.
Being breastfed myself slightly longer than most babies might play a role in my lifelong comfort with the idea of Couples Nursing.
Beloved readers, seek a mate that’s been very exposed to nursing mothers and views breastfeeding as a natural, healthy bonding act.
There are 1,189 chapters in the Bible.
Of these, roughly 1% are about marital intimacy.
If we count Genesis 2, Proverbs 5, all 8 chapters of the Song of Songs, 1 Corinthians 7 and several other disjoint verses in the Bible, we have approximately 12 chapters dedicated to eroticism in marriage.
That 1% is significant. Most churches and Christians seem to wish it were 0%, while a tiny few act like that percent were 75.
God’s absolute genius never ceases to amaze me. There’s a reason it’s not 0%, nor 2% but 1% of his word that’s erotic in nature.
He knows our frame, that we are but dust. He knows our nature, and has given us just the right amount we can handle.
We need to celebrate the 1%. Talk about it. Savor it. Not view it as a stumbling block, as my Puritanical former roommate does. Of course, 1% shouldn’t become 100%, but reducing it to 0% insults God, because it questions, challenges and fails to appreciate his gift of sex.
During nursing sessions, I think couples should at times give each other manual pleasure.
Again, according to the Bible, Couples Nursing is a simultaneously sweet, nurturing nonsexual act and a highly sexual one. When couples are in the latter mood, they ought to be willing to please each other to completion.
I see nothing wrong with doing some major vulvar stimulation during a couple’s more intimate and explosive sessions.
Nursing by a fireplace in a cozy cabin on a snowy Christmas? Absolutely. I’m all for sweet, joyful sentiment to accompany our milk exchange.
But penile and clitoral stimulation should also supplement the breastfeeding on special occasions. Or whenever the couple feels like it.
What are your thoughts? Should couples keep it sweet and neat or is the occasional hand-stroking resulting in intense orgasms permissible? Leave comments below.
I came across a young woman online probably no older than her late teens who admitted to being coerced by her ex to participate in an ANR.
My heart sank.
I’ve mentioned on this blog that I’m convinced Husband Nursing is more intimate than sex. Correspondingly, therefore, to coerce anyone into it, I believe, is worse than rape.
It’s extremely dehumanizing and is antithetical to the mission of this blog.
I see no difference between the abusive ex and a mosquito. Different in size, but in that context, both life-sucking parasites.
The key difference maker between a “rapey” ANR and a loving biblical one is a heart that’s been changed by the gospel. By true love from above.
The ex should be arrested for reducing her to a milk-producing slave.
From blogging and researching for almost a decade now [still can’t believe it’s 2020], I’ve become convinced that for every man who wants an ANR, there are two women who seek it, so it’s particularly unfortunate that some men resort to such cruel and ungodly behavior to get it.
What we need are safe spaces where women with ANR desires can feel comfortable coming out. With this in place, such heartbreaking stories might be heard less frequently. Unless that dude is a power-hungry monster whose real turn-on is abusing women rather than bonding with a wife through this intimate act. Thank God most of us ANR men fall into the latter category.
“Drinking breast milk?”
I nodded, with a half-overjoyed, half-nervous smile that seemed to convey a sense of “Pay dirt. You win. You got me. No more beating around the bush.” I had just directed her to a Christ-centered ANR post where the Shulammite woman discusses feeding her bridegroom some wine/juice squeezed from her pomegranates.
There was no more keeping her in suspense. With that, I finally laid all my cards on the table. This lady now knew exactly what my deep, hidden desire, that took what must have seemed like an eternity to reveal, was.
“Sounds erotic,” she fancied, her voice clearly impassioned and sincere.
“I have sensitive breasts,” she cautioned, while yet somewhat excited.
“That’s why God gave you breasts,” I gently and happily retorted.
To this, she pensively reiterated “I have sensitive nipples.”
She paused contemplatively to skim a recent Christ-centered ANR post and take it all in. It was all new to her.
“Sounds erotic,” her tone still as raw, honest and passionate as at first.
I was sure to preface the entire conversation with “husband and wife should be this close,” tightly clasping my hands to demonstrate. She readily agreed with that sentiment.
So went the tail end of our date, in plain sight in a busy Tim Horton’s. It was a frigid afternoon on a January 8 late last decade.
She had earlier confided in me on how badly she missed having sex post-conversion, this for her being one of the hardest things about the single Christian life.
Her interest in this unique intimacy was certainly piqued, as she accepted my parting suggestion to do some clean research on Couples Nursing, especially by visiting a certain Christian blog.
“I learned something today,” she remarked with a smile, seconds before we exchanged goodbye hugs in sub-zero temperatures, amid shoveled mounds of snow in the Tim’s parking lot.
Our date is proof that prospective Christian couples can meet in a well-lit public venue like a restaurant and verbally explore a lifestyle for marrieds only, without falling into sexual sin. As mentioned in previous posts, the key is to first spend a great deal of time on spiritual topics and other non-intimate subjects. I thank God that with all the talk about her breasts and nipples, I didn’t begin fantasizing about her body parts or view her any less, in fact I only respected her more as a dear sister in Christ who trusted me enough to be vulnerable with her sexuality and sexual struggles. Praise God for his work of sanctification. As a new believer, there’s no way I could have held that conversation without stumbling horribly. As I’ve grown in Christ, I’ve come to see the wisdom in discussing such deeply longed for conjugal blessings. It’s even more important to do this verbal exploration with a subject like Couples Nursing, which God encourages but most Christians haven’t even heard of.
Ms. C., if you ever read this, your reaction to learning about CN was worth a thousand words, and highly dignified and commendable. I’m glad to have met a godly woman who’s secure in her sexuality and has a healthy sex drive.
I have a lot of respect for women like you, who are open-minded and sex-positive in ways that honor Christ, especially regarding a topic as intimate and uncommon as Husband Breastfeeding.
I haven’t been in an ANR before and actual physical sin with women is not an issue for me, but if I said I haven’t recently been distracted and have my walk with Christ undermined, I’d be lying. I’m actually just coming out of a season of blindness and flesh-driven idolatry. I need your prayers.
An ANR could literally turn into a god, and it often does.
I see it happen in my thought life and even conversations at different seasons. I have a few times of repentance and purity, then other times of intense desire leading to impure thoughts and a cavalier attitude towards fighting my obsession. I even blow the three CN-encouraging verses out of proportion, my flesh blinding me into thinking an ANR is one of God’s biggest plans for Christian couples.
I’m not the only professing Christian who goes through this. I know a few others who are equally obsessed and idolatrous.
Some tips to help in those seasons of desire, lust and idolatry:
- Immerse yourself in God’s word.
- Suspend your visits to Christ-centered ANR if you can’t regulate yourself.
- Take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). Consciously give every breath you take to His Lordship. It yields a harvest of peace and righteousness. Think of Him constantly, depend on, and obsess over Him.
- “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[a] you want. 18 [Be led by the Spirit]” – Galatians 5
- Surround yourself with bountiful fellowship.
- Distract yourself with hobbies and recreational activities.
- Pray for God’s deliverance.
- Literally cry out to God in your moments of greatest temptation. I’m slowly beginning to find that vocally calling on God with visceral honesty helps during those weak moments.
- Tie it all to what’s of “first importance” (1 Cor. 15:3 ff), that Christ Jesus died for your sins. There may be nothing wrong with thinking of sex frequently. That God has some of us think so much of intimate topics isn’t a sin in itself. It’s whether such thoughts glorify His Son that matters. Most moralistic Puritans would disagree, but I believe Christians can be sex therapists. What’s important is to put our sex talk into gospel perspective.
- Maintain your vantage point on the whole counsel of God. An ANR is often a game changer in marriages, but only three verses either mention it by name or hint at it. There are over 30,000 verses in the Bible. Less than 0.01% of God’s word shouldn’t call the shots for 100% of your walk.
- Remember, the spirit is much more important than the body. In a trillion years, when you’re worshipping the victorious Lamb in Heaven, you won’t remember any such thing as an ANR, and your earthly, fleshly, ANR-desperate body would be utterly consumed.
Dear ANR community in Christ, let’s keep each other lifted up in prayer.
James 5:16: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
I am looking for a “man who comes home from a long day of work filled with stress and the worries and frustrations of the day and seeks my full, milky breasts to relax and unwind.”
– K, ANR-seeking Christian woman, same one who wrote the first quote on A wife’s loving comfort
I was struck by the similarity between Lamech’s naming of Noah and K’s desire to comfort her husband. God is gracious and merciful. Though he cursed the ground and all work due to Adam’s fall, he still provides ways to comfort us. There’s hope, comfort and solace in God’s amazing providence.
More on the Hebrew word for comfort from Jerusalem Prayer Team.org:
Meaning: comfort, consolation
The word ne•cha•ma is very unique. If you break its letters down you’ll receive two overlapping words: no•ach (comfortable and resting) and cham or cha•ma (warm). Even the first word attests to the Hebrew origin of the English word ‘comfort:’ ne•cha•ma is then an offer of rest and easement to a troubled, suffering soul. Comfort, indeed, is best induced by warmth and restful conditions.
As a noun, ne•cha•ma appears only in the New Testament:
‘Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort;’
There are many other verb references of comfort and consolation in both the Old and New Testaments.
Two of the Books of the Old Testament are about ne•cha•ma – The Book of Nehemiah which means: ‘God is my comfort,’ and the Book of the prophet Nachum whose name means comfort and consolation. If you have ever taken an Israel tour you certainly remember Capernaum (or Kapernaum), an ancient settlement on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. This is just a little distortion of the Hebrew name of the site: Kfar Nahum, which means the Village of Nahum.
The ne•cha•ma is the leading motif of the latter prophecies of several prophets and especially of Isaiah who said mercifully: ‘na•cha•moo, na•cha•mu ami.’
‘Comfort my people, comfort them, says your God. Speak comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry to her, that her fighting is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned; for she has received from the Lord’s hand double for all her sins.’
Adam, meet Eve.
Whenever a woman’s body is discussed in the Bible, the emphasis is usually on her breasts and womb.
That’s because these are the only parts of the female anatomy expressly created to bring protection, nourishment and comfort to others.
There are parts of women’s bodies that bring pleasure to self and others, and the Bible mentions these where appropriate, but God is more concerned about far more than our pleasure, and these two organs are the only ones mentioned throughout the Bible, in both Testaments, including by Christ Himself. They’re not confined to erotic sections of God’s word.
In Genesis 49:22-25, we read
“Joseph is a fruitful vine,
a fruitful vine near a spring,
whose branches climb over a wall.[k]
23 With bitterness archers attacked him;
they shot at him with hostility.
24 But his bow remained steady,
his strong arms stayed[l] limber,
because of the hand of the Mighty One of Jacob,
because of the Shepherd, the Rock of Israel,
25 because of your father’s God, who helps you,
because of the Almighty,[m] who blesses you
with blessings of the skies above,
blessings of the deep springs below,
blessings of the breast and womb.”
Part of psalm 22 says:
All who see me mock me;
they make mouths at me; they wag their heads;
8 “He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him;
let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”
9 Yet you are he who took me from the womb;
you made me trust you at my mother’s breasts.
10 On you was I cast from my birth,
and from my mother’s womb you have been my God.
And in Isaiah 49:15:
“Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.”
Fruitful or barren breasts and wombs were also a sign of either blessings or curses:
14 Give them, Lord—
what will you give them?
Give them wombs that miscarry
and breasts that are dry.
15 “Because of all their wickedness in Gilgal,
I hated them there.
Because of their sinful deeds,
I will drive them out of my house.
I will no longer love them;
all their leaders are rebellious.
– Hosea 9
“While Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, “Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which You nursed.”
– Luke 11:27
“For behold, the days are coming when they will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed.'”
– Luke 23:29
As we can see, breasts and wombs are often mentioned in tandem. Goes to show how much God values life and a woman’s natural ability to selflessly support it.
Everything God does is for a purpose, and His words and actions always reflect His character. The physical creation has a greater spiritual significance.
He emphasizes a woman’s breasts and womb much more than contemporary society because their functions point to his role as life-giver, nurturer, sustainer, comforter, protector, provider, and merciful shelterer.
Let me be clear on one thing. In 2019, we also place an emphasis on women’s sexual body parts for sure. We stress breasts and other male-obsessed parts of the female anatomy, and when we emphasize breasts, it’s always for advertising purposes, or for self-esteem and sexual pleasure, not to showcase the innate beauty of these nurturing organs. And honest praise for a woman’s life-giving uterus, especially coming from men? That’s just weird.
I normally don’t quote the Spice Girls, but the chorus from this song speaks so beautifully to this blog and its mission that I had to share.
‘Cause tonight is the night when two become one
(Wanna make love to ya baby)
I had a little love, now I’m back for more
(Wanna make love to ya baby)
Set your spirit free, it’s the only way to be”
If you’re struggling to appreciate the idea of an ANR, ask yourself why God breathed such a thing out into his word. Seek to discern the profitability of this particular exhortation.
These posts may help towards that end.
So if God tells you to “drink heavily from her breasts,” don’t argue with God. Just drink heavily from her breasts. He’s infinitely wiser than you, and knows the wisdom behind his placing that in his word. There just might be some deeper meaning behind an ANR that we can’t fully grasp with our finite minds.
The greater responsibility falls on husbands to protect, nurture and love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her, but taken together, passages like Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:22-33 inform believers of the mutual nature of the nurturing relationship built into marriage.
If you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of breasts or lips, you’ve probably been deceived.
This is even more true if you’re single. If you spend time relishing graphic thoughts centering on Couples Nursing without having even met your spouse, you’re probably deceived.
If you spend more time on this blog than with God, you’ve been deceived.
If you spend more of your livelihood musing on an ANR than the God who gave the gift of ANR, you’ve been deceived.
If you have explicit ANR-centric conversations with people other than your spouse, or at least a potential spouse, you’ve probably been deceived.
“If I find myself harvesting a lot more weeds than grain, rather than being surprised or angry, perhaps I should reflect on the fact that I’ve mostly sown weeds.”
– Pastor at a former church
“The diminutive chains of habit are seldom heavy enough to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.”
– Samuel Johnson
“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.”
– James 1:14-15 (NLT)
“But each one is tempted, when they are drawn away of their own lust and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.”
– James 1:14-15 (Jubilee Bible 2000)
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
– Proverbs 4:23 (ESV)
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.b He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”c This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
b 5:26 Greek washed by water with the word.
c 5:31 Gen 2:24.
New International Version (NIV)
The Appeal Renewed
2 You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. 3 Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4 No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. 5 Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules. 6 The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. 7 Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.
8 Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, 9 for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God’s word is not chained. 10 Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.
11 Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
12 if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
13 if we are faithless,
he remains faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.
Dealing With False Teachers
14 Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. 15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 16 Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. 17 Their teaching will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, 18 who have departed from the truth. They say that the resurrection has already taken place, and they destroy the faith of some. 19 Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”
20 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. 21 Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.
22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
The most powerful weapon against sexual impurity is humility. Patterns of sinful thought and behavior are fruits of a deeper root. If we want to stop bearing bad fruit, we must aim our primary attack against the root. And the root of sexual sin is not our sex drive; it’s pride.
We live in an age dominated by Darwinian explanations of biology and psychology. So we easily absorb certain naturalistic assumptions. One such assumption is that our sexual drives and impulses are remnants of our primordial, bestial ancestors, and therefore we deal with them with cages of external personal and social restraints.
This is a very conflicted perspective. It views us as both victims and monsters. On one hand, we’re victims of our ancient past, and on the other hand, we’re sexual monsters if we express our primal impulses in ways not sanctioned by the prevailing level of social tolerance.
It’s also a wholly inadequate explanation in view of our consuming sexual problem. The degrees of human sexual depravity, distortion, and destruction are of such a nature that nearly everyone thinks things and many do things that we have no other word for than evil.
Sex Is Not the Problem
It’s shocking how little our inner evil bestial impulses have to do with our primal genetic intent: procreation. No other human instinct has so many deviations in its expressions. Our culture can’t keep up with the expanding sexual definitions. LGBTQ is now just shorthand for LGBTTQQIAAPPK (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual, polygamous, kinkiness). And this is likely obsolete already. It’s getting tragically ridiculous.
But since Darwinism denies any basis for assigning moral value to anything, we can’t term something a “perversion,” because this word has moral connotations. So we’re trying to solve the problem of human sexual perversion by eliminating the concept of sexual perversion. But this can’t scale to embrace all sexual expressions without destroying people and society.
And it won’t work, because the root problem isn’t actually a sexual one.
Root of All Sin
What does the Bible diagnose as the root of human sexual perversion — what we often and rightly call sexual brokenness? We can see it clearly in Romans 1:21–26,
For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions.
“Dishonorable passions,” which refers to sexual sin in all its deviant heterosexual, homosexual, and other expressions, is a manifestation of humanity unhinged from its Creator. The real root of perversion, of which the dishonorable passions of sexual perversions is just one fruit, is human pride.
Pride is a black hole of consuming selfishness at the core of fallen human nature. Pride’s nature is to consume, to bring into the self. It sees other people, all of creation, and God himself as things to use in service to the self’s desires.
We all know this by experience. We know the more we feed any expression of pride, whether through sex or anger or covetousness or whatever, pride’s appetite grows and urges us to consume more and more.
So just as gluttony or anorexia is pride infecting and manipulating the self’s orientation toward food, or greed is pride infecting and manipulating the self’s orientation toward money, sexual immorality and perversions are pride infecting and manipulating the self’s orientation toward sex. Sexual sin is unhinged human pride rejecting the Creator in order to sexually consume others for the benefit of the self.
Personal Pride, Corporate Judgment
This does not mean, however, that there’s an exact correlation between the nature of our particular sexual brokenness and our personal rebellion against God. We are all born with natures in rebellion against God. But our individual sexuality is shaped by a host of biological, personal, family, and social/cultural influences. Some factors we’re born with, some may have been abusively forced upon us, and some we sinfully embrace and nourish. The Bible acknowledges all these factors.
But when Paul says God gives up a people “in the lusts of their hearts to impurity,” he’s mainly (though not exclusively) referring to a corporate judgment. The more a people unhinge themselves from God’s ordained limits, the more God removes the restraints on the sexual expressions of pride, resulting in a societal slide into consuming sexual destruction.
So we must keep in mind that, no matter what sexual orientation or dysfunction or distortion we’re dealing with, our biggest personal and corporate problem is not sexual; it’s pride.
You Are Not Your Own
Our most powerful weapon in the fight against sexual impurity is not a cage to hem in our depraved impulses, nor is it increased tolerance of sexual deviancy, but a profound humility. And humility is a deep realization and embrace of the truth that we are not our own. This is why Paul gave the Corinthians this counsel regarding sexual sin:
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:18–20)
Yes, fleeing from an enticing sexual temptation — taking behavioral action — is necessary. But notice that Paul’s primary emphasis is not behavior modification, nor is it deliverance from demonic oppression, both of which are realities of our complex human experience and so have some place in our fight for sexual purity. Paul sees the primary issue in our sexual struggle as the remaining pride within us.
That’s why the key to our freedom, the great killer of our sexual sin, is in our embracing this reality:
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)
This is what it means that we are not our own. This is what sin-killing humility looks like. This is the death of pride and all its perverting power over us.
Freedom is not the freedom to express our pride-fueled sexual desires. Freedom is the humble belief that we are not our own, and therefore not enslaved to our all-consuming pride, but free to be what God created us to be.
God’s hatred of sexual immorality and his impending wrath on the sexually perverse can’t be separated from his love for sex within marriage, along with his commands for couples to have sex frequently.
Those who love must also hate. Those who love what is good, what is beneficial, what is honorable must hate what is evil, what is harmful, what is deplorable. We are defined by the things we love as well as the things we loathe. And what is true of us is true of God as well (or, said better, what is first true of God is subsequently true of us). For God to love he must also hate.
The Bible tells us of many things that God hates, sometimes by right-out saying “God hates this” and other times by describing such things with words like “abominable” or “detestable.” When we put it all together we find there are eight broad categories of things he hates. We have already seen that God Hates Idolatry. Today I want to show that God hates sexual immorality.
God Hates Sexual Immorality
Human beings are sexual beings. We are far more than that, of course, but we are not less. Our sexuality is a part of who and what we are, a good gift of God given to bind together a husband and wife and to expand the human race. Like everything else we have, our sexuality is a gift given to us in trust. We are to steward it faithfully, to use it in the ways God commands and to refuse to use it in the ways he forbids. God stipulates that sex is to exist only in the marriage of one man to one woman and further stipulates that it must exist in that context (1 Corinthians 7:1-5). Just as it is sinful to have sex outside of marriage, it is sinful not to have sex within marriage.
God loves when human beings use the gift of sexuality in the ways he commands, but then necessarily hates it when they abuse it in other ways. Specifically, he hates acts of homosexuality and bestiality (Leviticus 18:22-23) as well as cross-dressing (Deuteronomy 22:5). He hates offerings in which the proceeds have come from prostitution—in this case ritual temple prostitution (Deuteronomy 23:18). We might apply this to a modern context by observing that money spent or earned illicitly dishonors God, even when given to a noble cause.
God also hates divorce, the severing of the bonds of marriage (Malachi 2:14-16). Malachi 2 is a tricky passage whose translation is disputed, but we can be confident in this: What may have been opaque in the Old Testament, when divorce was permitted, is crystal clear in the New Testament when divorce is forbidden except in the case of adultery (see Mark 10:1-12). God especially hates divorce when the object is the exploitation of another person as in Deuteronomy 24:4 where it seems the emphasis is on a husband marrying to receive a wife’s dowry, divorcing her, then later marrying her a second time to receive a second dowry.
To summarize, God hates sexual sin, he hates any defilement of the gift of sexuality, and he hates any dishonoring of marriage, the only right context for sexuality.
Why God Hates Sexual Immorality
Why does God hate sexual immorality? Because in some way sexual sin is more serious than other forms of rebellion. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 we read these surprising words: “Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” Biblical scholars debate the meaning of the words but this much is clear: Sexual sin makes a mockery of the significant physical and spiritual union bound up in the sexual relationship. As the Reformation Study Bible points out, “in Paul’s teaching, the physical union involved in sexual immorality has special consequences because it interferes with our Christian identity as people who have been united with Christ through the Holy Spirit.” Those who are united with Christ have no business being united with a prostitute or anyone else to whom they are not married.
Sexual sin degrades and misuses the body which God indwells as his temple. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It is worth pointing out the similar language Paul uses to describe idolatry and sexual immorality. Both are signs of deep rebellion against God.
God’s Judgment on the Sexually Immoral
God is perfectly clear in his judgment on sexual immorality. Much of the first chapter of Romans 1 is dedicated to proving that God’s judgment falls on those who commit sexual sin and, who over time, fall deeper and deeper into it. “Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them” (Romans 1:32). In fact, Paul goes so far as to show that increased sexual sin is its own form of judgment through which God gives people over to their sin. 1 Corinthians 6:9 insists that neither the sexually immoral nor the homosexual will see heaven and this is echoed in Galatians 5:19-21, Ephesians 5:5, and Revelation 22:15. The author of the letter to the Hebrews demands, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4). Those who commit sexual immorality will face God’s righteous, everlasting judgment.
Hope for the Sexually Immoral
Yet there is hope for even the sexually immoral. In his first letter to Timothy, Paul discusses the purpose of God’s law and says the law was given for “the sexually immoral, [and] men who practice homosexuality” (1:10). God has made provision for all sinners! The law was graciously given to expose their sin, their desire to sin, and their inability to stop sinning. But, of course, the law was not enough, so Paul immediately switches from the goodness of the law to the goodness of the gospel, to what he refers to as “the gospel of the glory of the blessed God.” That gospel insists that none of us are beyond redemption, none of us beyond salvation, if only we will turn to Christ for forgiveness. “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” (1:15). There is no sinner beyond his grace.
“Flee from sexual immorality,” says Paul (1 Corinthians 6:18). We must flee this sin, and through the gospel we can.
Key Verses on Sexual Immorality
If you would like to engage in some further study, here are key verses about God’s hatred of sexual immorality.
- God designed marriage and sexuality around male and female (Genesis 2:24-25)
- God hates homosexual acts (Leviticus 18:22)
- God hates sexual acts between humans and animals (Leviticus 18:23)
- God hates the wearing of clothing of the opposite sex (Deuteronomy 22:5)
- God hates and will not accept as an offering the proceeds of prostitution (Deuteronomy 23:18)
- God hates exploitation through divorce (Deuteronomy 24:4)
- God hates divorce (Malachi 2:14-16)
- God hates sexual immorality in all its forms (Galatians 5:19-21, Ephesians 5:5, Revelation 22:15)
- God created the body for purity not immorality (1 Corinthians 6:13)
- God commands us to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18)
- God offers forgiveness to the sexually immoral (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)
- God commands the exclusivity of the sexual relationship within marriage (Hebrews 13:4)
More in What God Hates:
“I want to be able to give my husband a safe place where he can come home at the end of a long day and let all the worries and stress fall away.”
– K, ANR-desirous
“I want to have a relaxing, cozy home for my husband to come home to; his safe-haven from the day to day grind”
– Jeanne, 50 year old ANR-aspiring doula
I found another ANR-desiring woman online who said she’s really good at making people comfortable and would rather give than receive massages.
The best word to describe a great ANR-loving wife is “comforter.”
See also God’s loving comfort
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.
We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. And you are helping us by praying for us. Then many people will give thanks because God has graciously answered so many prayers for our safety.
2 Corinthians 1:3-11 (NLT)
“I want to be able to produce something a man can’t make himself.”
“A man can head to the refrigerator and pour himself a glass of milk, but what I produce can only come from me.”
These are nearly exact quotes I’ve seen on ANR sites.
We need to celebrate the uniqueness of women’s bodily functions and how utterly helpless we men are without women.
In the creation narrative in Genesis, everything God made was “good” except man without woman.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
— Genesis 2:18
Rejoice, ANR/ABF community worldwide!
Since I began delving into ANR research around 2013/14, no year has passed without someone coming out or something significant happening to push Couples Nursing closer to the mainstream.
Sure, some sites have either closed or been taken down, but the rate of new developments outpaces the shutdowns.
Examples include Atlanta’s Jen Mulford who ignited controversial headlines when she came out in 2016, also multiple couples on social media, ANR blogs, websites and an ever increasing number of new ANR dating sites.
Despite stiff opposition, we continue to thrive and multiply.
To the hater out there, in order to stop ANRs from spreading, here’s what you have to do:
- Take down the entire internet, not just ANR-specific sites, because I know people who hear about CN from mainstream dating sites, and others learn from social media, news websites and other non-ANR sources.
- Walk around with an audio surveillance amplifier, to zero in on private conversations, and a lethal weapon with which to take people out immediately you hear the forbidden acronym.
- Be especially close to groups of nursing moms, ready to strike, because some lactating mothers do admit Couples Nursing activities in this safe space.
Dear ANR hater with hacking skills,
In all seriousness, please pay close attention, as this might give you peace:
Instead of trying to stop a freight train, I suggest you live and let live. You hate the idea of ANR? Fine. Simply ignore it. Attacking is a waste of time, as I’ve made clear. Each time you successfully take an ANR site down, three seem to pop up in its place, like whack-a-mole on steroids.
There’s nothing you can do to impede the progress of ANRs.
We ANR-loving folks who are in Christ have infinitely more reasons to rejoice.
Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land … They will fight back, but they won’t win. I, the LORD, give my word— I won’t let them harm you.
— Jeremiah 1:18-19 (NIV & CEV)